Another month after post, but this time for Dave.

I can't believe tomorrow it will be a month since my brother, Dave passed away. In some ways it seems like it went fast, and in other ways it seems like it was a long time ago. A month ago I was begging God to take him out of pain, but it didn't hit me until recently that the only way for the pain to stop was for us to lose him. It seemed like two totally different things.

It's weird having lost two of my siblings and both of my parents. I notice I keep doing this counting thing. When we have a gathering I'm trying to keep track of who should and shouldn't be here... or who is or isn't alive. We were planning on celebrating Christmas at Naze's house, but she asked if I would mind hosting it. I wanted to have it at our house, but her house was more centrally located so we were going to keep it close for the boys and their families. Anyway, I'm glad to have it at my house, but am having a difficult time figuring out who will be here.

We are all okay, but each seem to have our moments and at different times. I was in church this past Sunday and out of nowhere I about lost it. I heard a song being played that I had never heard before and it was beautiful. I keep thinking about Dave, and how he felt sorry for us that we had to lose him.

Lately I've been thinking (almost obsessing) about Stephen Covey's book, "7 Habits of Highly Effective People." I keep focusing on Habit #2 which says to "Begin with the end in mind." It's almost pathetic. Whenever I am with people I feel like it could be the last time I see them. If you told me a year ago that Dave would not be coming to our house for Christmas I wouldn't have believed you. A couple of years ago Mom was still here too... and I have pictures to prove it! Anyway, it's just weird.

My friends and family have given me so much comfort with meals, cards and messages. You learn who your real friends are at times like these. Their thoughtfulness continues to overwhelm me.

I'm trying to deal with all of this in a healthy manner. I don't want it to, as a friend put it, come out sideways. I don't want to stuff these feelings because I believe stress is not good for us and causes illness. I've been dumping my thoughts out on this blog for years now. I truly believe God was preparing me. I still trust His will. I know that I know that I know that He still has my best interests in mind and that He is with us every step of the way in this life. Satan keeps working on me to get me to question God and to believe I'm not a kid anymore and that I should be able to handle losing my brother better.

Anyway, it's all good a month later. Let's all do more than go through the motions this Christmas. Let's celebrate the Father of compassion and the God of ALL comfort!

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort," (2 Cor 1:3)