Especially Grateful

Since it's the last Thursday of 2011 I thought I'd summarize what I'm most thankful for this year.

I am most Grateful for:

My husband and his hard work to support us this year and the confidence he gained as "sole bread winner."
The birth of Angie's Temporary Dental Hygiene Service and all of the dentists who hired me.
That I had the courage to stand up for myself at the hearing for my unemployment.
That although I "won" my case, I still didn't qualify for it. (It was for my good!)
That my position was eliminated so I was free to be with Dave until the end.
For the three months we had to say goodbye.
For all of the lessons God taught me through the loss of my job and the loss of my brother.
That God counts and catches our tears and holds us close.
For the closeness of my siblings and all of the time we spent together.
For the extra Grace God gave me for some difficult people as well as the ability to forgive.
For the wrinkles that I'm slowly learning to accept.
Our health.
For my faithful friends who loved and supported me with unending kindness.
That the little skin cancer was so very minor.
That I learned to more fully appreciate every single day as a gift this year.
That I know in the depth of my soul that God is still good and I'm not mad at Him for anything.
For the dream I had over at Dave's that is still crystal clear after all this time.
For my sister holding me accountable to do these Thankful Thursday posts so I won't forget to have gratitude and to be intentional about looking for the gifts God gives me.
For all of the people God put in my path this year for a reason.
That my kids are both doing so well and still love me.
That we didn't get the lake house we thought we wanted.
For trips to Florida, North Carolina and Northern Michigan.
For celebrating 10 years with Lincoln and loving him more today than 10 years ago.
For the healing & restoration in a marriage of a close family member.
My cousins and their loving kindness.
For the birth of babies.
That Dave is with Vic, Dad and Mom and the knowledge that they are all with Jesus.
Singing songs of Worship that night with Pattie, Andrea, Chris, Stacey, Naze, Goose and Patricia over Dave's body right after God took Him Home. It was beautiful.
God's Word and my desire to spend more time with Him in 2012.

With Much Love, Peace and Joy,
Angie xoxo

My favorite song of 2011
"I'll Fly Away" by Jars of Clay

Another month after post, but this time for Dave.

I can't believe tomorrow it will be a month since my brother, Dave passed away. In some ways it seems like it went fast, and in other ways it seems like it was a long time ago. A month ago I was begging God to take him out of pain, but it didn't hit me until recently that the only way for the pain to stop was for us to lose him. It seemed like two totally different things.

It's weird having lost two of my siblings and both of my parents. I notice I keep doing this counting thing. When we have a gathering I'm trying to keep track of who should and shouldn't be here... or who is or isn't alive. We were planning on celebrating Christmas at Naze's house, but she asked if I would mind hosting it. I wanted to have it at our house, but her house was more centrally located so we were going to keep it close for the boys and their families. Anyway, I'm glad to have it at my house, but am having a difficult time figuring out who will be here.

We are all okay, but each seem to have our moments and at different times. I was in church this past Sunday and out of nowhere I about lost it. I heard a song being played that I had never heard before and it was beautiful. I keep thinking about Dave, and how he felt sorry for us that we had to lose him.

Lately I've been thinking (almost obsessing) about Stephen Covey's book, "7 Habits of Highly Effective People." I keep focusing on Habit #2 which says to "Begin with the end in mind." It's almost pathetic. Whenever I am with people I feel like it could be the last time I see them. If you told me a year ago that Dave would not be coming to our house for Christmas I wouldn't have believed you. A couple of years ago Mom was still here too... and I have pictures to prove it! Anyway, it's just weird.

My friends and family have given me so much comfort with meals, cards and messages. You learn who your real friends are at times like these. Their thoughtfulness continues to overwhelm me.

I'm trying to deal with all of this in a healthy manner. I don't want it to, as a friend put it, come out sideways. I don't want to stuff these feelings because I believe stress is not good for us and causes illness. I've been dumping my thoughts out on this blog for years now. I truly believe God was preparing me. I still trust His will. I know that I know that I know that He still has my best interests in mind and that He is with us every step of the way in this life. Satan keeps working on me to get me to question God and to believe I'm not a kid anymore and that I should be able to handle losing my brother better.

Anyway, it's all good a month later. Let's all do more than go through the motions this Christmas. Let's celebrate the Father of compassion and the God of ALL comfort!

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort," (2 Cor 1:3)

"He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40:29-31)

Lord, please reveal Yourself to my precious sisters. Give them the kind of comfort that comes only from You. Wrap Your arms around them and hold them close. Thank You so much. Please help me get out of myself and give me eyes to see others who may be hurting as well. Lord, I pray for anyone who might stumble upon this blog who might be feeling lonely and sad. My heart is heavy for all of the people who are just "going through the motions" this holiday season.

xoxo

This is my favorite version of The Lord's Prayer by Johnny Mathis. His Christmas album was my very first and still one of my favorites today! Have a great weekend!

Much love,

Too many to count, really.

Because I have about 15 minutes left of Thursday, I thought I better add a few things I'm thankful for this evening:

~An awesome staff at Baylis Animal Hospital and the nice Christmas dinner in town.
~The invitation to a Christmas luncheon with an office where I have been subbing and a nice gift...Who would have thought?!
~Birthday breakfast for a good friend of mine.
~Dinner with Jenny last night to celebrate her 27th birthday and our special time together.
~Running into a friend in The Dollar Store last weekend and her idea for Christmas Eve.
~All of the wonderful Christmas cards coming in the mail.
~The message from my cousin, Susan.
~Christmas shopping in my new ride. :)
~Bunco with my friends the other night.
~Making plans to bake Christmas cookies with Aunt Eveline and her sweet messages on my answering machine.
~Having a nice warm house on this windy night.
~Feeling God's Peace when I could be stressed out getting ready for Christmas.
~The guy who is snoring next to me.

xoxo

Mom's Christmas Card

Lincoln and I had the best Sunday! We put up our Christmas tree and decorated the house. He was more helpful this year than any year I can remember. :) To you this is probably just another tree, but to us each ornament has a memory attached to it. I'm cherishing them more this year than ever.

I came across this card from my mom. When she gave it to me I had no idea how much it would mean to me today. I love technology, but I love a written note more. I loved seeing her handwriting. My mother wasn't a card giver so this one was extra special. It was so unique, just like her.

Mom grew up Catholic, so Mary was very important to her. She prayed to her so often. She respected Mary and really all that surrounds what it means to be a loving, nurturing mother. I hope Mary was one of the first people Mom got to see that day she went home.

On Friday...

Since my sister texted me that she is bummed that there was no "Thankful Thursday" yesterday I took it as a nudge from The Holy Spirit to write this post. You'll have to be patient here and read til the end to learn just what it is I am thankful for this day. You will notice something else, unless this is your first stop at my blog. When I share something that I'm a little unsure if I feel comfortable sharing or feel extremely vulnerable I will either quickly delete it or immediately follow it up with another post, picture or song. So, there you have it.

I'm almost fifty years old and am still wrestling with some stuff that would have probably been better to deal with when I was about twelve. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I think most of us women are going through life stuck at 12 years old. I have a soft place in my heart for girls that age. I don't know why (and it doesn't matter) God made me different. Growing up I had perfect attendance. I didn't smoke and I basically always thought it was important to follow the rules. With that came a lot of teasing, but there was also a lot of loneliness and a feeling that I wasn't very loved.

Recently I heard a comment that I haven't been able to shake. I heard with my own ears that indeed somebody who was supposed to love me really never liked me. Maybe it's true; maybe it's not. If it's not true, that's a pretty cruel rumor. It's weird how I have replayed that comment over and over again... in disbelief. Nobody wants to think somebody doesn't like them. Maybe you don't mind and frankly, I wish I was one who could blow comments like that off. I am also over-analytical and I wondered why they didn't like me. Was it that I didn't smoke? If so, if I started smoking would they like me more? Would anyone really stoop to that level? I'm not going to do that. Most of this mad thinking goes on in the middle of the night. See what I mean about being vulnerable? During the day I don't care but at night it's huge. So where do I go from here? For me (and I suggest you as well), I went straight to the truth.

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." (Psalm 139:14)

I am thankful for a few things:
1). I am thankful that I realize it's okay to be who God made me. I don't have to be someone else just to fit in. There is Only One who matters and I'm confident that I'm loved by Him, who was rejected by many.
2). I can learn to have more compassion for others who may feel the same.
3). I'm thankful that I know full well Satan wants me to believe His lies, but I trust God's Word.

I have so much more to be thankful for this week. This was in my backyard. :)

maybe?

Did you ever notice that when you are going through the grieving process a lot of old issues seem to pop up? Maybe old losses that were never fully dealt with properly... not even having to do with the current situation? It seems that's the case with me. I want to quickly deal with it, but the old stuff comes up and I start believing Satan's lies.

I desperately needed a Word this morning and was bound and determined not to go to a friend for comfort, but to Him. I went straight to the Psalms and found this written on the side of Psalm 78 by Barbara Johnson:

"Sometimes allowing yourself to cry is the scariest thing you'll ever do. And the bravest. It takes a lot of courage to face the facts, stare loss in the face, bare your heart, and let it bleed. But it is the only way to cleanse your wounds and prepare them for healing. God will take care of the rest."



Maybe these are the Words you and I both needed to hear today?
xoxo

Thankful for what I needed most...

It's Thursday and I am THANKFUL for so many people listed below (and those I didn't mention) who gave us so much love, support and many prayers these past few months. The comments they left on FB last week were a gift. God hand picked all of them to show their concern. I hope He Blesses them for Blessing me and my family!

The Funeral Mass for Dave was Wednesday, November 23rd 11:00am with visitation at 10:00am. St. John's Catholic Church in Fenton. ♥ Thank You, God for taking my brother home.

Hewitt J. -So sorry for your loss, Angie. God Bless you.
Jon P. -Thanks Angela for the info thoughts and prayers for the whole family
Janet W. -Prayers from our house to yours...may you find solace knowing that your brother is finally at peace.
Yolanda R. -I am sorry, praying for comfort.
Lindsay B. -Angie, we are so sorry for your loss. Keeping you and your family in our thoughts and prayers...
Thomas P. -Our prayers are with you and your family, it's never easy saying good bye to someone you love.
Carly Ann ♥
Elizabeth O. -Sorry Angie..so sad...prayers will continue, for you and yours.
Mark E. -It is time for all to rest now. Dave had a room room prepared for him by our Lord. God Bless his family.
Nancy L. -Angie, I'm SO sorry for your loss. He is no longer suffering and in a much better place. My prayers to you and your family.
Sherri S. -So sorry for your loss Angie. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. xoxo
Michelle S. -So sorry Angie....I do agree he is in a better place! Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Love ya!!! XOXO
Julie G. -Sorry about your brother Angie.
Lauren B.-so sorry to hear about your loss Angie. I know you loved him so much! xo
Diane L. S. -Oh Angie, I am so sorry to hear this news about Dave's homegoing. I have prayed for him! My thoughts and prayers are with you and the family now!
Nancy M. -Praying for you Angie, during this tough time!
Mike F. -So, so sorry Annie.
Chas P. -So sorry Angie:( Thinking of you.
Becky S. -So sorry to hear about Dave.....will be praying for you and your family.
Sharon V. -Angie, our deepest sympathy to you and your family.I'm sure he gave it his all and all you wanted for him is to be pain free and peaceful. Prayers are still coming your way. Will be leaving for Vegas tomorrow for Thanksgiving, but you will certainly be in my thoughts on Wed. Love you.
Jill G. N. -Sorry for your loss and my deepest sympathy for you and your entire family during this very difficult time.
Arthur B. -I am so sorry to hear of this. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.
Kathie V. C. -Oh, I am very saddened to read this. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time. He is in very good hands now and no more suffering, but will truly be missed by the ones that are left behind.
Kathie V. C. ‎"Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.”
Gail B. -I'm so sorry for your loss, Angie. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Mary Lou -Praying for His arms to hold all of you close and to comfort you and wipe away your tears, with His gentle hands.
Tonja T. O. Prayers for comfort and peace for you and your family.
Lorna C. Angie, So sorry to hear about your brother ... my heart is aching for you. May your memories of loving moments together with Dave give you peace and comfort. Lorna & Paul
Diane M. -So sorry Angie, thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. God Bless you
Laura K. -Angie, I am so sorry for your loss of your brother, you are in my prayers during this difficult time, God Bless.
Marcie G. -So sorry to hear this. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.
Paula N. -So sorry Angie. May God give you and your family peace as you mourn. We love you and will continue to pray for God's comfort on you and the family.
Meg S. -Dear Angie - peace and wholeness for Dave....sadness and loss for you and your family....sending you so much love.
Cynthia W. -So sorry for your loss. Holding you close.
Peggy S. -Angie, you have been such a strong and supportive sister through this. May God give you and your family the strength you need to get through these next tough days. My prayers go out to you,
Marianne P. -So sorry Annie...hugs to you and all your family. May Godspeed your Brother to Eternal Peace ♥
Luanne Z. -so sorry to hear of your loss. God bless you and your family.
Karen J. -Angie-so sorry for your loss; special prayers tonight for you and your family.
Trisha K. -My thoughts are with you and your family.
Katie J. -Thinking of you and your family, Angie! xoxo
Susie B. ♥ ♥
Janet H. -We will keep you in our prayers, Ang. Thanks for keeping us updated.
Delbert M. -I'm very sorry Angie, My prayers for you and yours.
Matt K. -So sorry for your loss Angie.
Linda M. -We are praying for a blessed homecoming celebration tomorrow for Dave!! Heaven is a place we all want to go to!! Dave just got to get there sooner!! Haleluiah!!:/) love you Angie! Ken and Lindaxoxo
Annette H. -Ang...our song...always loved it....such comfort at my father's funeral...comfort, peace and love to you sweet Sister!
Karen M. -I believe!
Timothy P. ‎... be blessed, thank you Angie... I can imagine, Thank You Lord!
Annette G. -Your heart can hold on to this memory today. Your family's Thanksgiving meal early I will always remember. Bittersweet day but your heart still sings His praise! Love this song.
Melissa C. -Angie, So sorry to hear about your brother passing. I'm thinking of you and your family. Many prayers and hugs sent your way.
Jenny Lynn -Thinking of you today. Happy Thanksgiving ♥
Janice P. So much to loose, and so much gained.
Donna C. -Very beautiful Angie. You were so lucky to have him as your brother and friend. Forgiveness is empowering, God wants us all to do that. Love you my friend :)
Karen M.keep on! Your words and memories are beautiful. Love you!
Annette G. -Beautiful heart. Must run in your family...Hugs and love, A
Rosemary M. -Angie, I was so sorry to hear about your brother. Your words are a beautiful tribute the the wonderful man he must have been. Take comfort in knowing he is home. Love, Rosie
Meg S. - Beautiful tribute, Ang. Thank you for sharing.
Mary L. -Thanks Annie for putting in words just what I had in my heart! I love you sissy! Goose
Hewitt J. Wow. What a wonderful tribute to a wonderful man. My only wish is that when I'm gone there will be someone who will think as highly of me as you did of your brother. God Bless You, Angie. Thanks for such loving words. XO
Matt K. -Well said.
Andy K. -Very Good..I Don't think any of his family or friends are there yet, either...
Barbara B. -You drew a beautiful portrait of David. He was all of what you wrote. We have and always will keep David and the family close to our hearts.
Susan A. -Angie, Thanks for sharing your thoughts put into words. Beautiful.
Sheila J. -Absolutely beautiful Angie!
Gail B. -Angie, you are a beautiful person and your brother was as lucky to have you as you were to have him. I'm so sorry for your loss. I am sure Dave is smiling on you from Heaven.
Kristin Mary -Praying for you and your family this week. Hope you feel the love and support of friends and family this weekend.
Sarah V. -Sending prayers your way...xo
Herman F. -Angie. I just read that Dave is no longer with us.In the 41 years i have known Dave,he has always been a wonderful person to have as a friend.My heart is sad that he is gone. I am also happy that God gave me the gift of our friendship. I will be praying for your family as you go through this difficult time.
Dale T. -Very sorry to hear about your brother, Angie. Just rejoice that he is with our heavenly father.
Lisa G. -Dear Angie & Lincoln, I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved brother, Dave. I know you will take solace in the fact that his suffering is over. And you will always have the wonderful memories with him! Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Love, Lisa
Louise B. -Angie, I'm so sorry to hear about your family's loss. Losing a brother is something that you'll never quite get over, but knowing he's in a better place makes it a bit more bearable. My thoughts and prayers are with you. xoxo
Marisa S. -Thinking of you and keeping you and your family in my prayers. XO
Jan J, -Life seemed easier on the corner of East and High...I'd gladly go back, today. xo
Teresa V. -Love and prayers Angie, so sorry to hear.
Andrea S. -I'm so sorry to hear of your brother's passing. Sending our condolences and a hug. ♥
Mark S. -Angie, So sorry to hear about your brother Dave. Our prayers continue to be with you and your family.
Gayle W. -Angie so sorry for your loss.... I will pray for you and your family at this time... but all i can say is i was happy when my Parents were finally at peace and in no more pain...God will take care of him and he will watch over you and your family ...
Kathy Y. -Angie - I'm so sorry for your loss. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family...
Gloria P. -Angela, so sorry to have missed the memorial service but I was with all of you in spirit and prayer. All of the Karnowski children are very special to me and my love goes out to you at this very diffficult time.
John C. -Many many comforting words.


A dear friend of mine sent me a card. The words are truth to me...

In this time of sadness...
may you see God in the faces of friends,
hear Him in their voices,
feel Him in the touch of their hands...
May their help, caring and sympathy reflect His love and kindness
at this time when you need Him most.

Thank You, Lord for all of my friends and family!
xoxo