When I die I Hope to go to Heaven. I'm reading Randy Alcorn's book, Heaven and he reminded me that there is a narrow opening and that not everyone will go there. I can't remember the Scripture verses to back it up right now, but it scared me. I loved how he put it that we don't lose our loved ones when they die, we just lose contact with them until we are reunited with them.
I know one thing for sure. When I meet God face to face we are going to have a talk. A real talk. I can't wait for Him to reveal why my sister, Dad and now my brother have to endure so much pain. For some reason Dave looks worse than my dad and sister ever did and it's just not fair.
I know God's timing is perfect and He is not surprised by any of this. I know He has something huge waiting for him on the other side. I'd give anything to see the look on his face when he is completely out of pain, there are no more tears and he is hugging our loved ones. I'm glad to be reading the book about Heaven because I really have no idea how it works. I've never studied Heaven and I'm not sure I've ever had a real conversation with anyone regarding exactly what it will be like... in detail. I know bits and pieces from what I've read in the Bible but I don't have a clear understanding. After losing contact with so many family members I'm suddenly a lot more interested. Will Dave be rewarded more for having to go through so much pain?? I sure hope so.
Tonight as I write this post I'm just plain mad. I don't understand it. Watching his boys, his grandchildren, his wife and step-children, brother and sisters grieve for him is too much. It rips out my heart. I want to tell him how great Heaven is going to be and that I'm excited for him that God knows him by name and is calling him home, but I can't get those words out. He loves his kids and grandchildren more than any dad I've ever seen. Isn't he going to miss them like crazy? I cannot imagine never seeing my kids again. I tell him how great he is doing and that I'm so proud to be his sister. He is fighting the fight like no other. He tries so hard to wake up to focus on whoever comes to visit. He is so medicated, but it's obvious that he is still in pain. Every time I leave I swear I'm not going back because I can't take it anymore. Then something in me longs to go back just one more time.
I'm glad Mom isn't here to experience Dave's suffering. I'm sorry if I gave you too much information or if you don't think I should be so mad at a God so loving. I love Him but I'm looking forward to some answers...thankyouverymuch!
I love you Lord, and I'd appreciate you coming soon.
xoxo
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5
1 comment:
I'm so sorry about Dave. I am glad that Dave is saved, and you don't have to worry about that part. You can be mad. I know God must understand that emotion. He knows your heart and that it is a safe Place to put every feeling you have in Him. He will guide you through the coming days, and when it is time, Dave will see Him face to glorious Face. And just one more thing: I am fairly sure the Bible says so little about heaven because we'd all so want to be there, we'd not be able to fulfill our time here. I love you, dear friend.
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