David Brian Karnowski (Mar 16, 1959-Nov 21, 2011)

Although it was nice having Dave's funeral short and sweet (like he wanted it) I missed the Rosary the night before. I especially missed the time afterwards when people would have been invited to share their stories about Dave. Nobody had a chance to talk about how he touched their lives. I'm sure I would have been a blubbering idiot and it would have been ugly, but I would have loved to have the opportunity to say a few things.

When you grow up in a family like ours where our parents had 7 kids in a little over 10 years you can't help but become close. The bond we have is hard to explain. Anyway long story short,  I'm going to share a few words about my brother.

The first two words that come to mind are WORK ETHIC. When Dave did anything he did it to the best of his ability and never settled for anything less than perfection. There was no such thing as half- a**. You should have seen how he cut grass. I think he invented diagonal lawn mowing. His amazing work ethic started way before he was old enough to mow the lawn. We have home videos (somewhere that I cannot seem to locate) with him scrubbing dishes. He worked harder than anyone in the family and he did it with a smile on his face. His smile. If you knew Dave, you know what I'm talking about. He had the best smile and wasn't afraid to show it often.

Dave laid his life down for his family. When he was a senior in high school he learned he was going to be a dad. He had letters from colleges asking him to play sports. He was such a great athlete and I was so proud to watch him. He played baseball, football and wrestled. He could have made other choices but did the right thing by being the best dad possible. I admired him so much!

Family was everything to Dave. He was a great son to both Mom and Dad. He went above and beyond in every way when it came to honoring them. He was a lot like our dad. He had a gentle quiet way about him. He never dominated conversations. Even though Mom could be a little hard to be around after Dad passed away, he would drive over to spend time with her every Sunday. He was so generous and would give you the shirt off his back.

When Dave learned his life would be shortened we asked if he wanted to do anything special, like take a trip. All he cared about doing was spending time with Pattie, his kids and his grandchildren. I had the privilege of taking him to see his newest granddaughter, Evelyn about a month ago. He slept the entire way there and back but rallied for the kids. Dave had the best relationship with his ex-wife, Connie, the mother of his kids. Josh and Randy were his first priority and nothing was going to change it. He taught me how important it is to forgive my ex-husband and that it's the best gift I can give my own children.

Dave was one of the most sensitive, caring and compassionate people I know. He felt terrible when he thought he may have hurt my feelings a couple of weeks ago. He finally told me he hated chicken after I had made him many different meals with it. Naze told me a story recently where Dave was going to take the blame when she got in a driving accident before she had her license. That's the kind of brother he was. He took the blame for a lot of stuff that he didn't do, just to keep Peace.

For some reason I don't have very many pictures of me with Dave. I'm going to have to remember him in my heart. I don't think I'll ever forget the sound of his voice. I have a message on my answering machine right now that I can't bring myself to delete.

When I think about Dave I will always see him as I did as a little girl. I thought he was so cool. Everybody loved him. I looked up to him and always wanted his approval. When I was sitting beside his hospital bed in those last weeks I opened his Bible and a card fell out. It had the words of 1 Cor 13 on it. They spoke of Dave.

Dave was patient, Dave was kind. Dave did not envy, he did not boast, he was not proud. He did not dishonor others, he was not self-seeking, he was not easily angered, he kept no record of wrongs. Dave did not delight in evil but rejoiced with the truth. Dave always protected, always trusted, always hoped, always persevered. Dave did not fail and he never quit.

Dave knew how to love well.

I have absolutely no doubt that my brother is in Heaven with Mom, Dad, Vic and everybody else he loved. It's comforting to know they paved the way and will be waiting for me when it's my turn. It was only appropriate to celebrate Dave's life the day before Thanksgiving. I will always be thankful that he touched my life.
xoxo

Not just another Thankful Thursday.

It's Thursday and I need to be intentional about gratitude. We are at my brother's side around the clock waiting on God's timing and the hours pass slowly. I'm going to ask my little sister to help me do this list in utter silence so here we go...

We are thankful for the many text messages, calls and emails from people who love us and are with us in Spirit.
We are thankful for Gods grace and his gentle reminders to simply be quiet.
For the words "I love you".
The sensitivity of my children to not only accept my spending time away from them but to encourage me with complete loving spirit,
For Pattie's sister coming over last night to help settle her down.
For our spouses who love us enough to realize that we are siblings sticking together when it really counts.
For eggs... Scrambled eggs.
For a hospice nurse that loves her job!
For Deacon Ron who came over last night to give Dave his final rights and for asking Bek if she wanted to make her first communion (which she will remember for the rest of her life!).
For memories of Dave taking Zack on the riding lawn mower!
For God giving us the Extra Grace Required during these very difficult days.
For pain medications.
For Chris's loving compassion and not wanting to dessert us when he had to get back to work yesterday.
That our parents taught us to always stick together! They are proudly smiling in heaven right now!
For Dave's smile even in these last days.
For costco's sea salt, chocolate carmel bark stuff & Annie for buying it!
For the girl sitting next to me letting me use her pillow last night.
And the one at work who gave me hers!
That although most of us have colds right now, we will get better!
For the vivid memory of dads transition from this world that comforts me of what is coming soon for Dave.
For Facebook and the Internet where we all visit when we are crawling out of our skin.
For the greatest friends, who are always there for us.
For Jan's long loving texts and for Karen's texts telling me the whole staff is praying for us and for the Scripture verses that are so comforting.
For the religion we were born into and the familiar prayers that we know by heart and come to us when we need them most.
For our sisters words to Dave, that we will always take care of his kids and grand kids and that we will keep the memories of him alive forever!
That Andrea is coming back today.
Nurse Kim from Hospice.
Amen!
That most of the pictures on the wall that Pattie has painted are "Two" of everything, reminding me to remember that she is losing her best friend, so I need to be more compassionate and understanding when she lashes out.
For my husband, who just texted me telling he loves me, he misses me and is praying for me.

To be continued...

ready to go home

 It's getting close now. I think Dave is  Ready To Go Home.  

If you read this will you please whisper a prayer for Dave that he can relax, surrender and feel God's arms wrapped tightly around him and for Pattie and the rest of us? Thank you.

Can we talk?

When I die I Hope to go to Heaven. I'm reading Randy Alcorn's book, Heaven and he reminded me that there is a narrow opening and that not everyone will go there. I can't remember the Scripture verses to back it up right now, but it scared me.  I loved how he put it that we don't lose our loved ones when they die, we just lose contact with them until we are reunited with them.

I know one thing for sure. When I meet God face to face we are going to have a talk. A real talk. I can't wait for Him to reveal why my sister, Dad and now my brother have to endure so much pain. For some reason Dave looks worse than my dad and sister ever did and it's just not fair.

I know God's timing is perfect and He is not surprised by any of this. I know He has something huge waiting for him on the other side. I'd give anything to see the look on his face when he is completely out of pain, there are no more tears and he is hugging our loved ones. I'm glad to be reading the book about Heaven because I really have no idea how it works. I've never studied Heaven and I'm not sure I've ever had a real conversation with anyone regarding exactly what it will be like... in detail. I know bits and pieces from what I've read in the Bible but I don't have a clear understanding. After losing contact with so many family members I'm suddenly a lot more interested. Will Dave be rewarded more for having to go through so much pain?? I sure hope so.

Tonight as I write this post I'm just plain mad. I don't understand it. Watching his boys, his grandchildren, his wife and step-children, brother and sisters grieve for him is too much. It rips out my heart. I want to tell him how great Heaven is going to be and that I'm excited for him that God knows him by name and is calling him home, but I can't get those words out. He loves his kids and grandchildren more than any dad I've ever seen. Isn't he going to miss them like crazy? I cannot imagine never seeing my kids again. I tell him how great he is doing and that I'm so proud to be his sister. He is fighting the fight like no other. He tries so hard to wake up to focus on whoever comes to visit. He is so medicated, but it's obvious that he is still in pain. Every time I leave I swear I'm not going back because I can't take it anymore. Then something in me longs to go back just one more time.

I'm glad Mom isn't here to experience Dave's suffering.  I'm sorry if I gave you too much information or if you don't think I should be so mad at a God so loving.  I love Him but I'm looking forward to some answers...thankyouverymuch!

I love you Lord, and I'd appreciate you coming soon.
xoxo

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5



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"loving presence"

I need to share this song with you today. A good friend sent me the nicest email this week. I am so thankful for friends who are compassionate and will pray and tell me that if he were in Dave's shoes... " I would want to spare my sisters the experience of my suffering. But what I would really deeply desire is just their loving presence. I'd realize that there is little you can do or little that you can say. But your loving presence would say it all." I'm so thankful I'm able to spend so much time with him and comforted by the fact that this friend is probably right.

Shephard us, Lord, beyond our wants, beyond our fears from death unto life.