We had always gone to lunch afterwards so this time I didn't know what to do with myself. I drove around my hometown not ready to leave. I went to St. John's Catholic church. I walked to the cemetery where my sister and father are already buried. There is something about seeing their names written: Victoria Ann Polidan... Arthur C. Karnowski... Theresa M. Karnowski. I saw the exact spot where my mom will soon join them. I sat in that big church all by myself. There is something very Holy about that very quiet church. I can't explain it. I went to the back and lit 7 big candles. I lit one for each of my parent's 7 children and prayed for each of us by name for healing, comfort and Peace while we are flooded with memories in these next weeks and months. I also lit one for a friend of mine who will have surgery and begin treatment this week for breast cancer.
All my Love,
xoxo
xoxo
5 comments:
As I write, I listen to Ave Maria. The depth of the hole in your heart right now is painful to me. There's nothing like your parents' love. I pray right now that God will fill the days with more of His presence to you, attending your lonely heart, ministering to your loss and reminding you of the joy--the times you worshipped together, the tender conversations you had toward the end, the love that you so eloquently write of in this blog post. I also pray for your friend for healing, for strength, for His abiding presence as she undergoes treatment. May He bless your heavy heart. Love you, dear friend. Annette
Thinking about you today dear friend, and saying a prayer.... tears are falling. As christians, we are to grieve with those who grieve..... so just know that I am standing with you in prayer. Love You, Angie!
I remember the first time that I went to church after Mom died. I cried the whole service. I was sure that I would never be able to fill that void she had left. I didn't know how I could live in a world that didn't have my Mom in it. And, I cried...and my Pop cried as we sat there together. He didn't know how to do it without her. And, I had nothing to offer him. But hugs and love.
Slowly, it all begn to make more sense. Slowly we began to heal. Slowly we found our way.
No one can tell you what you need to do to accept it and put it where it needs to be in your heart. Do what you need to do. And, take as much time as you need.
You will heal. But there will always be a little scar there. And from time to time, the wound will open again. And that's OK too.
I'm praying for you.
You all made me cry over those beautiful comments.
xoxo
I type as I cry dear Ang. I pray for continued comfort and peace as well as healing. So sorry you are in this season of life. So glad you found peace in the sanctuary.
Love you sweet sister.
Annette H
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