Thankful... :)

I'm thankful for my husband today!

It's official...

Hurt People Hurt People.

no matter what...

The seed is the Word of God.

"The seeds in the gravel are those who hear with enthusiasm, but the enthusiasm doesn't go very deep.  It's only another fad, and the moment there's trouble it's gone." ~Luke 8:13 (The Message)

I pray God's Word is not just a fad.

"But the seed in the good earth—these are the good-hearts who seize the Word and hold on no matter what, sticking with it until there's a harvest. ~Luke 8:15 (The Message)

one month later...

Dear Mom,

It's been exactly one month since you passed away.  Your funeral was just what you wanted. All of your children and grandchildren were here.  Your great-grandchildren were here as well. The outpouring of loving-kindness was incredible.  So many people came to see us and many with meals, flowers, hugs, donations and Masses. The cards still keep coming in the mail.  Pastor Jim did a great job and people are still talking about it. You looked amazing. It always seems strange when people say that, but it is really true. I have some new plants and I really hope I can keep them alive.  You were the plant queen and I didn't get that gene.

We got your place completely cleaned out before Patricia came. It worked out perfectly that she moved back to Michigan and we didn't have to worry about selling your place.  I got your fireplace and I'm not sure I'm going to keep it. If not, Patricia wants it. It doesn't really go in our house like it did in yours. I wanted so much to call you to tell you to come over and see it since you and I talked about me getting one for my kitchen.

It worked out well the way we all took a turn to choose what we wanted.  I got your cream and sugar back.  You know, the one that you tried to give me years ago and you got upset that I didn't have it out because it wasn't my style?  Remember how you said the kids broke it when it was down in our lower level?  Well, I couldn't find where it was broken.  Did you fix it without telling me?  For some reason, now it goes perfectly up here and I love it more than ever.  I'll cherish it because it was yours.  Meghan wanted the charcoal picture of you and Dad... and me. Isn't that cute?   John was happy to get your clock and the big t.v. we bought you for Mother's Day.  I'll never forget the look on your face when we gave it to you. We got more out of it than you did!  All in all, I was reminded that it was all just "stuff".

The worst part was when I saw the leftovers that no one wanted (that meant so much to you) and it broke my heart.  I also lost it when I had the urge to to look in your pill case. I saw where Wednesday's pills were gone, but you didn't take them on Thursday. It was a reality check.  All of a sudden I really wanted to know exactly when you passed away and exactly why.  We never did an autopsy.  We know you had so many issues and Naze swears it must have been your heart, but there is something in me that wonders for sure.  How long were you there alone? You were so unlike Dad in that you wanted everyone with you when you were sick and Dad wanted to be alone.  When he died most of us were there and you were alone. I'm sorry.

To be honest, this past month has been completely draining.  I pretty much just went through the motions.  I haven't felt like working out as much as usual and it has affected my mood. I just didn't have the energy.  I got the worst sore throat and cough and had to have my first root canal.  I am reminded of the times you took such good care of me after I had both of my kids, when I learned that Tim was leaving and when I had to have my wisdom teeth extracted. You were so good to me.

You'll be happy to know I finally got my haircut yesterday. As much as I tried to grow it (against your wishes), it just wasn't me. I know, you are laughing.  It was weighing me down and made me look older. Meghan and Lincoln agreed that it looks like I've aged since June! Then, when Linc saw my haircut he had the nerve to ask me why I did it?!  Strange. Guys are so weird.  :)

Everybody else seems to be doing okay.  We have all needed more connection with each other than usual.  As I look back, after Dad died and you were still with us it felt like he was still here. I'm not sure if this makes sense, but it's different having you both gone.

When I went to St. John's a couple of weeks ago I regretted not insisting that we have a funeral Mass for you.  The Catholic church was such a huge part of your life for so many years and I wished we had celebrated just one more Mass together.  Oh, well it was still very nice.

I can pretend you are still at home, waiting for me to call to encourage you to go to church with me tomorrow or to ask if you want to go for a ride.  But I have no doubt you wouldn't want to be anyplace than where you are at this very moment.  I am happy.

I miss you and love you.

Your 6th child,
Annie

Saliva Ejector

I hope I never forget what I experienced today with my amazing sister and my dear friend, Linda.  It's too hard to explain and the details really don't matter.

It made me wonder why God allows some people to suffer and others to have a "cushy" life like my own? Why some are burdened with sickness and I'm so healthy?  Why some have the will to live with a very poor quality of life (in my opinion) while so many others complain when they "have it all"? Why some cannot open their mouths for the life of them and others can't learn to shut their mouths?

God knows.

Lord, I want to trust that You know what You are doing in the lives of K. and K. Thank You for allowing me to catch a glimpse of a life that could have just as easily been mine.

counting blessings

is easy when I'm...

~spending quality time with Meghan and her friend and having dinner at The Union
~drinking coffee with my daughter
~riding alongside Meghan and giving her water
~buying her some new running shoes
~watching Meghan enjoy a carmel apple
~hearing John wasn't hurt in his car accident
~opening the Sweetest Day card & massage gift certificate from my husband
~hearing the MSU football player on the radio giving God the Glory after they won
~playing cards with our amazing group of friends
~looking at pictures of weddings and grandchildren and birthday parties
~laughing until my stomach hurts... again
~working with Naze while cleaning out the last of Mom's stuff
~learning a new recipe
~planning our Bunco party
~relying on God when I was nervous about making a call
~talking with my friend, P. finally 
~making up with my dear friend
~having enough money to buy all of the groceries I need
~walking through the leaves in our neighborhood
~eating brunch at my brother and sister-in-law's house
~visiting with my husband's uncle and family from California
~listening to my sister share her heart
~praying for my friend's healing after her surgery
~hearing that my daughter was okay without her passport
~believing God will help me with that difficult person tomorrow
~looking for God working in my life



xoxo

training & pony tails

What is she listening to? 

She doesn't even look exhausted after 20 miles! 

I had to beg her to let me buy her a new pair of running shoes!

I can't tell you how proud I am of my daughter who is training for her first marathon.  I was very happy to ride along side of her on my bike while she ran 20 miles the other day.  This was her final long run before the NYC marathon.  I had no idea what was involved in the training.  As I followed behind her I watched her pony tail swing from side to side.  I couldn't help but remember that same pony tail swinging from side to side as she walked up the driveway to meet the bus taking her to kindergarten.  

The big day is coming soon and I'm getting excited for her!  I cannot wait to go cheer her on!

xoxo

7 candles

I went to my mother's church today for the first time since her funeral.  I didn't feel 100% but thought I better drop off the generous donations people gave for her. I didn't expect to be so full of emotion.  My mind kept going back to the times when she and I Worshipped together.  I remembered the times I felt awkward putting my arms up in the air.  It was real and I did it for God, but I also did it so my mom would know that in those times when she was doubting, my faith was strong. I knew she was watching me.  I about lost it when they played Restoration. It was always one of her favorites.  I couldn't sing because I literally had no voice because of my cold, so I just took it all in and listened.  As the tears rolled down my cheeks I could feel His healing touch.

We had always gone to lunch afterwards so this time I didn't know what to do with myself.  I drove around my hometown not ready to leave.  I went to St. John's Catholic church. I walked to the cemetery where my sister and father are already buried. There is something about seeing their names written: Victoria Ann Polidan... Arthur C. Karnowski... Theresa M. Karnowski.  I saw the exact spot where my mom will soon join them.  I sat in that big church all by myself.  There is something very Holy about that very quiet church. I can't explain it.  I went to the back and lit 7 big candles. I lit one for each of my parent's 7 children and prayed for each of us by name for healing, comfort and Peace while we are flooded with memories in these next weeks and months.  I also lit one for a friend of mine who will have surgery and begin treatment this week for breast cancer. 

All my Love,
xoxo

my ring = my promise

When my family was in town for my mom's funeral we had to divide all of her stuff. I was so impressed by how smoothly it went. I've heard some horror stories from friends in the same situation so I'm very grateful. Here are the most wanted items. My younger sister, Mary got my parent's wedding rings.

I've been thinking a lot about the meaning of wedding rings lately. To me, when I look down at the ring on my finger I am reminded of the promise I made to God (and to my husband) that I will love and trust Him (and His plan), especially when we are in the midst of our worst conflict. I will forgive my husband and will accept him the way God made him. I will try to see him like God sees him. And most of all, I will obey Him by trying to do the right thing even when I don't feel like it.

I'm very glad my parents took their commitment seriously. I want to do whatever it takes to pass on to my children and grandchildren that I take mine seriously, too! After all, I believe it's the greatest gift we can give our children!




I'm praying for all marriages today.  I'm praying especially for those who are in a "wintery" season where Satan is trying his best to destroy what God created.  I'm praying for the same kind of miracle He performed in my marriage.

xoxo