wishes ...or prayers for next year

2010 has been a crazy year and in some ways I'm glad to see it go. It was the year we lost our mom. Nothing prepares you for the loss of both of your parents and the reality is just beginning to sink in.

Without sounding too dramatic, it was also the year of change in my job situation. I think I'll just leave it at that for now.

For Christmas my sister gave us all a box to write 25 of our wishes for the coming year. With expectancy she told us to "just wait". We won't believe how many of them come true. When trying to come up with 25 wishes, I quickly learned that 25 wishes are a lot different than 25 prayers. I found myself wishing for things I would be embarrassed to pray for.

When trying to pinpoint my one prayer for this next year I still have a few hours to figure it out... as well as my first Scripture Memory Verse for 2011.

I'm excited and looking forward to what God is going to do in my life next year!

Happy New Year!
May God be even bigger than anything you can imagine. Invite Him into those secret places that you're too embarrassed to share with the whole wide world.

Keep.

Believing.

God for the impossible!

By faith... angie

It's so much more...

It's really all about the Cross.


I'm so grateful for a friend sharing, "Go Fish" with me this past week.
Merry Christmas!
Love,
Angie

As a result of 12/18/10

This morning on my way to work I listened to I Surrender All no less than four times. I prayed all the way there for God's approval before I made my final decision... this time.

I'll never forget the text I got from my dear friend:
"I'll follow your lead." I am so blessed by all of my friends.



Surrendering it all and following His lead.
By faith...
Angie

"God sees"

...and He knows and He is never surprised. I look forward to what He's up to in this next chapter.



I'm still Believing God.
Angie

it doesn't get any better than this

I can honestly say, there is nothing in life more precious to me than watching a sweet sister open her very first Bible. She gently opens it (a paperback version) with such tenderness and respect.   She turns the pages slowly and carefully as if she is handling her brand new baby for the very first time.

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." (John 1:1)

You should give it a try sometime!
With love and by faith...
Angie

LOVE Tuesdays

My friend, Sharon gave this to me when my mom passed away. It's the perfect ornament for 2010.

The view out my window as I get ready to write my Christmas cards. 

Have a Peaceful Tuesday!

By faith...

Angie xoxo

A Labor of Love

I have always loved the song, Silent Night but I agree.  I'm not so sure it was a silent night...

 I hear the same Christmas music on our radio station at work over and over again. Everyone who knows me knows how I feel about it, especially the hippo song.  It drives me nuts! Most of what I hear during the day has nothing to do with Christmas! I wish they'd play this song. It's authentic... and real.  Any mother who has given birth to a child knows the truth.  It is a labor of love, but I cannot fathom if I were giving birth to Jesus.

In His amazing Love,
Angie

flat tire

Last weekend I heard our pastor say something that I had probably heard before, but this time it not only stopped me in my tracks, but I can’t get it off my mind. I’m positive it was not an accident.

He said, “Some people use God like a spare tire. They only use Him when they need Him and when they are in trouble.”

As I laid in bed this morning trying to force myself to sleep in I thought about this past year. I’ve been one of “those” people but I’m even worse off. I had a flat tire, but didn’t even think to use the spare. I kept it in the trunk. Have you ever seen someone driving a car with a flat tire? It eventually wears down the rim and does major damage to the wheel and causes the car to swerve off to the left or right. If everyone drove around like that there would be chaos and accidents everywhere.

Some might think it’s best to hold it all inside, but I don’t believe it’s healthy. What am I hiding anyway? I’m going to take a risk and let you in on some of the “stuff” that probably started with a slow leak, but turned into a blow out.

It started in January when I went to the Siesta Memory Celebration weekend in Houston. I recited all 24 of my verses but can’t remember them today. I guess I knew them in my head, but obviously not in my heart.

“The seed falling on rocky ground refers to someone who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away.” (Matthew 13:20-21).

In January I also learned that my boss had sold his practice. I had no idea what kind of changes were in store. I was scared about my future. I thought about a million “what ifs”!

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV).

In February I had a major falling out with one of my best friends. It was over our sons. I felt sorry for mine having to move to a new apartment right in the middle of his semester and it was complicated. Instead of calling her to discuss the situation I took the easy road and wrote her a letter. To say it got ugly is an understatement. I still regret it today. She's not the only person I've hurt with my words.

“As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him.” (Psalms 103:13 ESV). “The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.” (Proverbs 15:4)

In March I was told, “You can teach a monkey to clean teeth. You are a s****person whether you like it or not.” I also learned about “think sheets, clarifications and goals.” Are my priorities in the right order? Do I have a clean conscience? Am I trusting God for clarity and the real goal?

“Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 3:13-14).

This past Summer I went to a couple of weddings. I watched a couple of marriages completely fall apart and one that is still hanging on by a thread. Did I really get on my knees and pray for them and did I do what I could to encourage them? What about my own marriage. Did I put in the effort to respect my husband even when I didn’t think he deserved it? I have fallen short, and I’m sure I haven’t gone to God.

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds,” (Hebrews 10:24).

Change...
We had a tree fall on our house and it caused us to make some necessary changes. At work there have been so many changes. I miss my old boss and my former co-workers. I recorded at least 50 hours of continuing education. My brain has been stretched but I’ve learned so much. I have had all of my old amalgam fillings changed to white and hardly recognize my mouth when I open it. My body is changing in front of my eyes. What used to be right on schedule is very unreliable. There have been new additions to our family and in September I lost my mom. It’s hard enough to lose one parent, but to lose the other one is completely different.

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8).

Lord, You are not my spare tire.  I can't fool You. I don't want to keep driving with a flat tire. It's too exhausting and has caused too much chaos in my life. Please forgive me and heal those places that I’ve damaged because I tried to go it alone in 2010. Help me look to Heaven in 2011. You’ve given me the gift of Your Word and I believe with all my heart that it keeps me on the right road. It’s a smoother ride with You. Thank you!

In Jesus’ name.
Amen.

the ONLY one...

I was blessed by seeing him sing this song yesterday. Best unexpected gift ever!

Starry Night

From the Birds that Sing, In the Tallest Trees.
To the Human Life, of you and me.
From the Desert Sands, to the place we stand.
He is God of All, He is Everything.

Waohhh

I'm giving my life to the only one who makes the Moon reflect the sun.
Every Starry Night, that was His design.
I'm giving my life to the only son, who was and is and yet to come
Let the praises ring, 'cause he is everything
'Cause he is everything

From the Autumn Leaves, that will ride the breeze
To the Faith it takes, to pray and sing
From the Painted sky, to my plank filled eye
He is God of all, He is everything

Waohhh

I'm giving my life to the only one who makes the Moon reflect the sun.
Every Starry Night, that was His design.
I'm giving my life to the only son, who was and is and yet to come
Let the praises ring, 'cause he is everything.

Ohhhhhhh (everything)

Hallelujah (Hallelujah)
Hallelujah
I believe
Ohhh
Hallelujah (Hallelujah)
Hallelujah
I believe

I'm giving my life to the only one who makes the Moon reflect the sun
On that Starry Night, He changed my life.
I'm giving it all to the only son who gave me hope when I had none.
So let the praises ring,
Ohhhh Let the Praises Ring

I'm giving my life to the only one who makes the Moon reflect the sun.
Every Starry Night, that was His design.
I'm giving my life to the only son, who was and is and yet to come
and the Angels sing, that he is Heavenly

So let the Praises ring
'Cause he everything



and... Point of Grace was AMAZING!

The question I am not quite ready to answer...

The question asked of us tonight at Bible study:

"In your heart of hearts do you believe God is a 'Taker' or a 'Giver'?"

Think long and hard before you answer.

If I'm being totally honest, a lot of days I think He is a "Tester" but that wasn't one of the choices.



Changing the subject...

This past week while we were in Arizona, Meghan shared with me the first song she had on her playlist for the NYC marathon. She listened to this song as she ran across the bridge... (How Great is Our God). I wish I had words to express how happy this made me feel. She's on the right track!



She also shared this cool video with me of the race.  She was in the second wave of runners.

From a plane?

I'm grateful that I'm in an airplane writing this post.

I'm also grateful that...
I get to see my kids real soon.
Although reality is setting in about my mother being in Heaven this Thanksgiving, I'm still most happy that she's where she longed to be.
I'll be able to enjoy being away from my office for a few days.
That this isn't my first time flying like it is for the girl sitting next to me.
The beautiful view out of this window.
We can afford to get away, knowing there is someone taking care of things at home.

I could list a million things right now since I have my health, my family, my Faith and so much more than I could ever need!

If you read this post, please take a moment to thank God for just one of the many gifts He has given you.

Happy Thanksgiving!
Angie

Just look around, Angie!

I never tire of this video.
I'm thanking God today that...
I.
Believe.
How could I not?

my highlights of meghan's first NYC marathon

Knowing and appreciating all of the time and effort she put into this day!
Dinner with Meghan & Michael at an Italian restaurant to carb-load on Friday night.
Brunch with the Mehaffeys and Versascos on Saturday morning.
Having Saturday to hang out with Meghan.
The application for my iPhone that allowed me to track her every step of the way.
Finding her in the middle of 45,000 runners!
Seeing her looking great at mile 16.
Cheering for the people crying at mile 16.
Seeing her again (looking terrible) when she was almost at the finish line.
The song "Swim" on her iPod to help her get past the "wall".
Learning that it would have been impossible to actually see her cross the line, after I was feeling guilty for not being able to get up there.
Knowing this was a personal victory between her and God.  No one was supposed to be there at the end.
All of her supportive friends being there to cheer her on!
Seeing her fight back the tears when she finally got to meet all of us at the Starbucks where we gathered.
Learning afterwards that her ankle was okay after she rolled it on mile 14 (tripping on a Gatorade bottle).
Seeing the look on her face when the 2 flights of escalator to the restroom was out of order-- and she climbed it anyway!
The signs people made.
My favorite sign: "I want to be you when I grow up!"
Meghan's favorite sign: "You're going the wrong way!" Haha
Meghan telling me that someone said she looked really good when she was done... and they meant they liked her outfit! (This meant a lot to my fashion-savvy daughter!)
When somebody asked her if she'll do it again, she said to ask her in a week. (It's kind of like asking a mom if she wants to have another baby right after she delivered her first child.)
Beating her goal of under four hours. 3:50:36.
Runner #39517.
10,780 Place overall.
2006 Place for women.
400 Place for her age group.
Dinner at her favorite restaurant afterwards... Fig and Olive.
Being there on the day she will never forget for the rest of her life!

(Jack's Mannequin Swim)

You better believe I'm grateful!
~Angie

I believe in my daughter

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." ~2 Timothy 4:7 

Prayers will not be wasted on my little girl (25) this weekend as she runs the NYC marathon. Do you think I'm proud of her hard work and dedication? Of course--> I'm a mom so that goes without saying. :)

By faith... I believe she will finish! 

Angie 

walls of "protection"?

"Sometimes the wall we build around our hearts does a better job of keeping the pain in than keeping the pain out."  


My friend, Lisa said this right in the middle of our conversation last night. I don't know how many times I made her repeat it.  WOW...  It stopped me in my tracks. 

resting in His Love

My great-nephew Jacob with his mom, Rebekkah.

This has been a crazy week in so many ways.  When I heard this song this morning on my way to work, I was sure it was written for me.  I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for music.  Things have felt completely out of control and it's so comforting to know He will never leave me.

I can't believe I question Him and His plan.  It seems after God brings me through something I can give Him credit, but at the time I don't rely on Him like I should. I would have so much more Peace in it if I did.  He wants me to trust and cling to Him.   I'm glad He's the God of 2nd chances... and 3rd... and 4th.




I have looked you in the eyes
I have seen the tears you cried
I have heard you question why you are here

There is a reason, there’s a plan
There is a God Who understands
He’s got your life inside His hands
Have no fear
Cuz He says

In all your hurt and in all your pain
I’ll never leave, I won’t forsake
You’re my child and I’m your God
Come and rest in my love

I know this road is deep
And I know you’re tired and weak
But the God of perfect peace is right here

He is the shelter from the storm
He is the rock forth and secure
He is hope forever more
Have no fear
Cuz He says

In all your hurt and in all your pain
I’ll never leave, I won’t forsake
You’re my child and I’m your God
Come and rest in my love
When everything seems out of control
I’m holding on, I won’t let go
You’re my child and I’m your God
Come and rest in my love

There is hope tonight
There is everlasting life
Dry away your tears
Coz tomorrow is on the rise
Love will never fail
He will never fail
He says

In all your hurt and in all your pain
I’ll never leave, I won’t forsake
You’re my child and I’m your God
Come and rest in my love
When everything seems out of control
I’m holding on, I won’t let go
You’re my child and I’m your God
Come and rest in my love
In my love
In my love

"supposed"

This song has been on my mind since Sunday.

This empty-nester sometimes wonders what she's supposed to be doing with her life.

~Angie

Thankful... :)

I'm thankful for my husband today!

It's official...

Hurt People Hurt People.

no matter what...

The seed is the Word of God.

"The seeds in the gravel are those who hear with enthusiasm, but the enthusiasm doesn't go very deep.  It's only another fad, and the moment there's trouble it's gone." ~Luke 8:13 (The Message)

I pray God's Word is not just a fad.

"But the seed in the good earth—these are the good-hearts who seize the Word and hold on no matter what, sticking with it until there's a harvest. ~Luke 8:15 (The Message)

one month later...

Dear Mom,

It's been exactly one month since you passed away.  Your funeral was just what you wanted. All of your children and grandchildren were here.  Your great-grandchildren were here as well. The outpouring of loving-kindness was incredible.  So many people came to see us and many with meals, flowers, hugs, donations and Masses. The cards still keep coming in the mail.  Pastor Jim did a great job and people are still talking about it. You looked amazing. It always seems strange when people say that, but it is really true. I have some new plants and I really hope I can keep them alive.  You were the plant queen and I didn't get that gene.

We got your place completely cleaned out before Patricia came. It worked out perfectly that she moved back to Michigan and we didn't have to worry about selling your place.  I got your fireplace and I'm not sure I'm going to keep it. If not, Patricia wants it. It doesn't really go in our house like it did in yours. I wanted so much to call you to tell you to come over and see it since you and I talked about me getting one for my kitchen.

It worked out well the way we all took a turn to choose what we wanted.  I got your cream and sugar back.  You know, the one that you tried to give me years ago and you got upset that I didn't have it out because it wasn't my style?  Remember how you said the kids broke it when it was down in our lower level?  Well, I couldn't find where it was broken.  Did you fix it without telling me?  For some reason, now it goes perfectly up here and I love it more than ever.  I'll cherish it because it was yours.  Meghan wanted the charcoal picture of you and Dad... and me. Isn't that cute?   John was happy to get your clock and the big t.v. we bought you for Mother's Day.  I'll never forget the look on your face when we gave it to you. We got more out of it than you did!  All in all, I was reminded that it was all just "stuff".

The worst part was when I saw the leftovers that no one wanted (that meant so much to you) and it broke my heart.  I also lost it when I had the urge to to look in your pill case. I saw where Wednesday's pills were gone, but you didn't take them on Thursday. It was a reality check.  All of a sudden I really wanted to know exactly when you passed away and exactly why.  We never did an autopsy.  We know you had so many issues and Naze swears it must have been your heart, but there is something in me that wonders for sure.  How long were you there alone? You were so unlike Dad in that you wanted everyone with you when you were sick and Dad wanted to be alone.  When he died most of us were there and you were alone. I'm sorry.

To be honest, this past month has been completely draining.  I pretty much just went through the motions.  I haven't felt like working out as much as usual and it has affected my mood. I just didn't have the energy.  I got the worst sore throat and cough and had to have my first root canal.  I am reminded of the times you took such good care of me after I had both of my kids, when I learned that Tim was leaving and when I had to have my wisdom teeth extracted. You were so good to me.

You'll be happy to know I finally got my haircut yesterday. As much as I tried to grow it (against your wishes), it just wasn't me. I know, you are laughing.  It was weighing me down and made me look older. Meghan and Lincoln agreed that it looks like I've aged since June! Then, when Linc saw my haircut he had the nerve to ask me why I did it?!  Strange. Guys are so weird.  :)

Everybody else seems to be doing okay.  We have all needed more connection with each other than usual.  As I look back, after Dad died and you were still with us it felt like he was still here. I'm not sure if this makes sense, but it's different having you both gone.

When I went to St. John's a couple of weeks ago I regretted not insisting that we have a funeral Mass for you.  The Catholic church was such a huge part of your life for so many years and I wished we had celebrated just one more Mass together.  Oh, well it was still very nice.

I can pretend you are still at home, waiting for me to call to encourage you to go to church with me tomorrow or to ask if you want to go for a ride.  But I have no doubt you wouldn't want to be anyplace than where you are at this very moment.  I am happy.

I miss you and love you.

Your 6th child,
Annie

Saliva Ejector

I hope I never forget what I experienced today with my amazing sister and my dear friend, Linda.  It's too hard to explain and the details really don't matter.

It made me wonder why God allows some people to suffer and others to have a "cushy" life like my own? Why some are burdened with sickness and I'm so healthy?  Why some have the will to live with a very poor quality of life (in my opinion) while so many others complain when they "have it all"? Why some cannot open their mouths for the life of them and others can't learn to shut their mouths?

God knows.

Lord, I want to trust that You know what You are doing in the lives of K. and K. Thank You for allowing me to catch a glimpse of a life that could have just as easily been mine.

counting blessings

is easy when I'm...

~spending quality time with Meghan and her friend and having dinner at The Union
~drinking coffee with my daughter
~riding alongside Meghan and giving her water
~buying her some new running shoes
~watching Meghan enjoy a carmel apple
~hearing John wasn't hurt in his car accident
~opening the Sweetest Day card & massage gift certificate from my husband
~hearing the MSU football player on the radio giving God the Glory after they won
~playing cards with our amazing group of friends
~looking at pictures of weddings and grandchildren and birthday parties
~laughing until my stomach hurts... again
~working with Naze while cleaning out the last of Mom's stuff
~learning a new recipe
~planning our Bunco party
~relying on God when I was nervous about making a call
~talking with my friend, P. finally 
~making up with my dear friend
~having enough money to buy all of the groceries I need
~walking through the leaves in our neighborhood
~eating brunch at my brother and sister-in-law's house
~visiting with my husband's uncle and family from California
~listening to my sister share her heart
~praying for my friend's healing after her surgery
~hearing that my daughter was okay without her passport
~believing God will help me with that difficult person tomorrow
~looking for God working in my life



xoxo

training & pony tails

What is she listening to? 

She doesn't even look exhausted after 20 miles! 

I had to beg her to let me buy her a new pair of running shoes!

I can't tell you how proud I am of my daughter who is training for her first marathon.  I was very happy to ride along side of her on my bike while she ran 20 miles the other day.  This was her final long run before the NYC marathon.  I had no idea what was involved in the training.  As I followed behind her I watched her pony tail swing from side to side.  I couldn't help but remember that same pony tail swinging from side to side as she walked up the driveway to meet the bus taking her to kindergarten.  

The big day is coming soon and I'm getting excited for her!  I cannot wait to go cheer her on!

xoxo

7 candles

I went to my mother's church today for the first time since her funeral.  I didn't feel 100% but thought I better drop off the generous donations people gave for her. I didn't expect to be so full of emotion.  My mind kept going back to the times when she and I Worshipped together.  I remembered the times I felt awkward putting my arms up in the air.  It was real and I did it for God, but I also did it so my mom would know that in those times when she was doubting, my faith was strong. I knew she was watching me.  I about lost it when they played Restoration. It was always one of her favorites.  I couldn't sing because I literally had no voice because of my cold, so I just took it all in and listened.  As the tears rolled down my cheeks I could feel His healing touch.

We had always gone to lunch afterwards so this time I didn't know what to do with myself.  I drove around my hometown not ready to leave.  I went to St. John's Catholic church. I walked to the cemetery where my sister and father are already buried. There is something about seeing their names written: Victoria Ann Polidan... Arthur C. Karnowski... Theresa M. Karnowski.  I saw the exact spot where my mom will soon join them.  I sat in that big church all by myself.  There is something very Holy about that very quiet church. I can't explain it.  I went to the back and lit 7 big candles. I lit one for each of my parent's 7 children and prayed for each of us by name for healing, comfort and Peace while we are flooded with memories in these next weeks and months.  I also lit one for a friend of mine who will have surgery and begin treatment this week for breast cancer. 

All my Love,
xoxo

my ring = my promise

When my family was in town for my mom's funeral we had to divide all of her stuff. I was so impressed by how smoothly it went. I've heard some horror stories from friends in the same situation so I'm very grateful. Here are the most wanted items. My younger sister, Mary got my parent's wedding rings.

I've been thinking a lot about the meaning of wedding rings lately. To me, when I look down at the ring on my finger I am reminded of the promise I made to God (and to my husband) that I will love and trust Him (and His plan), especially when we are in the midst of our worst conflict. I will forgive my husband and will accept him the way God made him. I will try to see him like God sees him. And most of all, I will obey Him by trying to do the right thing even when I don't feel like it.

I'm very glad my parents took their commitment seriously. I want to do whatever it takes to pass on to my children and grandchildren that I take mine seriously, too! After all, I believe it's the greatest gift we can give our children!




I'm praying for all marriages today.  I'm praying especially for those who are in a "wintery" season where Satan is trying his best to destroy what God created.  I'm praying for the same kind of miracle He performed in my marriage.

xoxo

When I think about it...

It's Thursday and I'm still drained from this past week but I want to take this opportunity to mention just a few things I'm thankful for right now...

For all of my siblings.

For all of the songs that have been dedicated to Mom this week.

For the friends who took time off work & life to come visit me and celebrate my mom's life.

For all of the friends who sent meals, cards, songs,  masses, flowers and more.

For the hugs from so many people.

For the conversation between my brother and John.

For what God did in my son's life this week.

For the conversation between me and John on Tuesday night.

For Pastor Jim's message.

For the distractions during the service that didn't affect anyone else but me.

For all of my nieces and nephews who traveled from afar to be here to honor Grandma.

For the voice mails from friends showing their concern.

For the random text messages this week.

For all of the e-mails from friends asking how I'm doing.

For the contributions donated in honor of Mom.

For the donation from Cuz DeNaze to have a party.

For the strong scent of flowers still here as I enter my house.

For all of my mom's friends who love us.

For all of the seeds God planted along the way.

For a wonderful, supportive husband.

For healing baths and good cries. 

from karen

The Lord your God
is with you,
He is
Mighty to Save;
He takes great
delight in you;
He will quiet you
with His love;
He will rejoice
over you with
singing;

Zephaniah 3:17

Thank you, Karen!

totally overwhelmed

The last of my family just left to go back home to their lives.  My house looks like it was hit by a tornado.  There are pictures, flowers and cards everywhere... More leftovers than we could ever eat... There isn't a clean sheet or towel in the place... but I could care less.  It was the first time I have been alone since last Thursday afternoon. I got the afghan that was on Mom's couch, had a nice cry and a nap.  I'm exhausted but totally overwhelmed by the loving kindness that was displayed by all of my family and friends.

How excellent is thy lovingkindness, O God! therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of thy wings.

Psalm 36:7 (KJV)

p.s. It's been raining all day (perfect for relaxing). Mom would say this was one of those days when she would stay in her pajamas all day long. That's exactly what I did today!

Theresa M. Karnowski 6-18-36 to 9-23-10

Well Mom, you did it.  You finally let go and you let God take control. I knew you would be okay! I will never forget the peaceful smile I saw on your face Thursday afternoon.  It was the most beautiful gift! And your house was perfectly clean! Nothing was out of place. It looked like you succeeding in planning your final perfect party and were relaxing on the couch before everyone arrived! You even had your yogurt and a fresh bottle of water.

As Patricia said on the phone to me, “I’m proud of Mom.  This was the most independent thing she has ever done.”  

For me it was all summed up when I watched Rebekkah and the way she looks at her precious new baby, Jacob.  We all had lunch Friday afternoon after making the funeral arrangements.  There sat Bek with her mom, aunt and two uncles.  As she sat there with us she was a million miles away.  She could have been in the midst of a tornado, but nothing mattered as much as her little boy.  The smile on her face reminded me of the one I had just seen on Mom’s. You see, Rebekkah is a lot like my mom.  She has the biggest heart and she obviously loves her child more than anything in the world!  

Peace and contentment didn’t always come easy for mom.  They moved around more than anyone else I know, but that’s a whole other story! She was the baby of her family (10 years younger than her next sibling) and I wonder if she wasn’t just a tad spoiled? She lost her mom when she was 12 years old, when a lot of girls her age don’t like their mom. For 62 years mom carried guilt around thinking she was somehow responsible. I’ll never forget the time she shared that story with me when they lived in Florida. I tried to help her understand, but she just couldn’t comprehend the truth of the matter.

Mom married Dad when she was 17 years old and Dad was 18 (back in November of ‘53).  She would be the first to tell you she got married because 1). She wanted to get out of the house and 2). She and dad wanted to have sex. Mom and Dad were good Catholics and had 7 children in a little over 10 years. Mom was proud to say the only one they planned  was Goose (the baby of our family.)  Don’t worry Goose, we love you dearly!  Mom and Dad were kids when they had us and they had no idea how to be parents. They had lost their parents early on and I don’t mean any disrespect when I say they did the best they could.  All things considered, I think they did a great job! We are such a close family!

Mom (& Dad) wanted more than anything for all of us kids to love each other.  She didn’t have to worry because we did anyway and we still do!  We bonded together in so many ways.  As we talked about it the other night, we grew close as a result of some punishments we received, dishes, weeding, scraping the boat, and cleaning!  We talked about how we learned quickly to never “tell on each other” or else! I’m sure mom is responsible for the work ethic that was instilled in each of us.” Half-assed was never allowed!  She got to the point at the end of her life to say she was sorry for not always being the perfect mom.

For some reason mom lived her life with so many struggles and health issues.  Losing her mom at such a young age, marrying so young and having all of those kids, losing her first-born daughter and her husband was very hard on her.  She had so many losses in her life and it took it’s toll on her body. We all know she had weight issues her whole life, diabetes, lung cancer, congestive heart failure, triple-bypass surgery and was in a coma for over 2 weeks.

We all know she wasn’t always the easiest person to be around. She was pretty miserable a lot of the time after losing Vic... and Dad. I remember last year when we were on a road trip together she was in a particularly negative mood.  Honestly, I couldn’t take very much more, so I asked her to make a list of all of the positive things she could think of and what she was grateful for. I found it the other day.

In her words on May 8, 2009...

1).  My Pastor lead me to God.
2).  All my kids are successful and level headed.
3).  So many wonderful years with Art.
4).  My brain works well enough.  I’m not handicapped on the street.
5).  Wonderful grandkids.
6).  That my kids live a good life.
7).  I have enough money to live like I want.
8).  I’m still alive after the coma.
9).  That I’ve gone through what I have because I’m stronger.
10).  Art and I proved people wrong by saying we couldn’t make it.
11).  That God didn’t take me because I still have stuff to do.
12).  I can believe God will take care of Zack no matter what.
13).  For my sisters... George taught me how to have a party and to make people comfortable.
Winnie taught me that when Dave got Connie pregnant and I asked her what I should do and she reminded me to ...just love him!  Mabel taught me what not to do.
14).  I have friends I’ve had for my entire life and it seems like we just saw each other yesterday.
15).  Art and Vic both knew where they were going and they weren’t afraid of where they were going.
16).  None of my kids had to go to jail.
17).  Jenny appears to be getting her shit together.
18).  Art didn’t die in that terrible car accident.
19).  All of the kids took care of things after Art died, so I wouldn’t have to.
20).  In this recession all the kids are working and the ones who aren’t are accepting what they get.  


We will always remember mom’s:
Holiday melt-downs (remembering mostly those who were not in attendance).
Her ability to rise to the occasion and be the crisis go-to person.
Her ability to get people to laugh.
Her mother’s instinct, somehow knowing when I was about to go in labor.
Her genuine appreciation whenever we did anything nice for her.
Her Frico,
Her sniff and that thing she did with her toes.
Her soft cuddly hugs.
The way she wanted everyone to be serious when we didn’t want to.
Her love for road trips.
Her love for her own children and grandchildren.


God didn’t take mom 5 years ago because I believe He loved her too much.  He wanted her to learn to fully trust Him first. The two of them had some work to do and I believe they finally finished it.  He was the boss and she finally learned to surrender her life to Him.  I’m so grateful for the churches who loved on mom in these past few years and taught her that works don’t get you into Heaven and that God gave up His only son for her... and you!  There is nothing she could have done on this earth that He couldn’t forgive.  He took care of it all on the cross.

I’m grateful for a few things right now...
 
I’m grateful for Dad taking such good care of mom over the years.  In these past several years I’ve been a little mad at him actually for spoiling her and making her so needy but I guess he just did what God commands and loved his wife like Christ loves the church.
I’m grateful for Vic and all she did for mom ... and how her children are still so good about staying connected.
Patricia... I’m grateful that although you and mom had your moments, you had that special time just a few weeks ago.  I will never forget hearing her telling you she didn’t know what she would do without you.
Chris... I’m grateful for you trying to get Mom to believe God’s promises and all of the arguments you had.  In a sick way I think I’ll even miss them!
Dave... for all you did for mom.  You stepped in a took Dad’s place. You took a lot from her and didn’t deserve so much of it.  All of the times you came over to help her!  You literally gave your last dime to her and you’ve said you would do it again in a heartbeat!
Naze... You took such good care of her. What would we do without your nursing expertise!  And if I believe correctly she just last week told you that you are a “genius” regarding her new friend, Fred. She went on a date!  
Goose... You really took over Dad’s place ... probably too much! Words cannot express the appreciation I have for all you’ve done.  It will never be forgotten or taken for granted!

We know that Grandma (“Honeybear” to a couple of you) loved all of her grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  She loved how my son, John got upset that she never called him. She had the best time with Katie at American Idol recently.  She absolutely loved Loren... and Trevor.. and Zack! You all have your own memories, and I hope and pray you know how much she loved you! Can you believe that at the age of 74 she had 14 great-grandchildren?

As we celebrate mom’s life today I’m sure we will all miss her,  but I think we can all agree that we are all extremely happy for her.  She has been lonesome for Dad every single day for these 5-1/2 years.  I’m really glad we got to share some special times with her lately. I’m grateful for our recent road trip to Chicago where she talked about her funeral and the music she wanted to be played and how important it was to her to have all of her grandchildren here.  Naze and I think we exhausted her here in Michigan this past year or so. I believe with all of my heart that there is a party going on in Heaven right now.  As we are all having our party here, they are having their own!  She is reunited with her family, her parents, all of her siblings, her husband, her first-born child and especially her Lord and Savior.   When she was napping the other day I believe God looked down at her and said, “Come home” and she followed Him.  Her body is fully restored now and it’s what she wanted more than anything.

Mom and Dad did a lot of things we thought were crazy through the years, but they did WAY more good.  They taught us what commitment means (by staying married for over 50 years) and what it means to make a decision to love.  Mom always said that parents always love their kids more than their kids love their parents.  I don’t really know if she was right or not, because today I sure am loving her!  It makes me smile.