Well Mom, you did it. You finally let go and you let God take control. I knew you would be okay! I will never forget the peaceful smile I saw on your face Thursday afternoon. It was the most beautiful gift! And your house was perfectly clean! Nothing was out of place. It looked like you succeeding in planning your final perfect party and were relaxing on the couch before everyone arrived! You even had your yogurt and a fresh bottle of water.
As Patricia said on the phone to me, “I’m proud of Mom. This was the most independent thing she has ever done.”
For me it was all summed up when I watched Rebekkah and the way she looks at her precious new baby, Jacob. We all had lunch Friday afternoon after making the funeral arrangements. There sat Bek with her mom, aunt and two uncles. As she sat there with us she was a million miles away. She could have been in the midst of a tornado, but nothing mattered as much as her little boy. The smile on her face reminded me of the one I had just seen on Mom’s. You see, Rebekkah is a lot like my mom. She has the biggest heart and she obviously loves her child more than anything in the world!
Peace and contentment didn’t always come easy for mom. They moved around more than anyone else I know, but that’s a whole other story! She was the baby of her family (10 years younger than her next sibling) and I wonder if she wasn’t just a tad spoiled? She lost her mom when she was 12 years old, when a lot of girls her age don’t like their mom. For 62 years mom carried guilt around thinking she was somehow responsible. I’ll never forget the time she shared that story with me when they lived in Florida. I tried to help her understand, but she just couldn’t comprehend the truth of the matter.
Mom married Dad when she was 17 years old and Dad was 18 (back in November of ‘53). She would be the first to tell you she got married because 1). She wanted to get out of the house and 2). She and dad wanted to have sex. Mom and Dad were good Catholics and had 7 children in a little over 10 years. Mom was proud to say the only one they planned was Goose (the baby of our family.) Don’t worry Goose, we love you dearly! Mom and Dad were kids when they had us and they had no idea how to be parents. They had lost their parents early on and I don’t mean any disrespect when I say they did the best they could. All things considered, I think they did a great job! We are such a close family!
Mom (& Dad) wanted more than anything for all of us kids to love each other. She didn’t have to worry because we did anyway and we still do! We bonded together in so many ways. As we talked about it the other night, we grew close as a result of some punishments we received, dishes, weeding, scraping the boat, and cleaning! We talked about how we learned quickly to never “tell on each other” or else! I’m sure mom is responsible for the work ethic that was instilled in each of us.” Half-assed was never allowed! She got to the point at the end of her life to say she was sorry for not always being the perfect mom.
For some reason mom lived her life with so many struggles and health issues. Losing her mom at such a young age, marrying so young and having all of those kids, losing her first-born daughter and her husband was very hard on her. She had so many losses in her life and it took it’s toll on her body. We all know she had weight issues her whole life, diabetes, lung cancer, congestive heart failure, triple-bypass surgery and was in a coma for over 2 weeks.
We all know she wasn’t always the easiest person to be around. She was pretty miserable a lot of the time after losing Vic... and Dad. I remember last year when we were on a road trip together she was in a particularly negative mood. Honestly, I couldn’t take very much more, so I asked her to make a list of all of the positive things she could think of and what she was grateful for. I found it the other day.
In her words on May 8, 2009...
1). My Pastor lead me to God.
2). All my kids are successful and level headed.
3). So many wonderful years with Art.
4). My brain works well enough. I’m not handicapped on the street.
5). Wonderful grandkids.
6). That my kids live a good life.
7). I have enough money to live like I want.
8). I’m still alive after the coma.
9). That I’ve gone through what I have because I’m stronger.
10). Art and I proved people wrong by saying we couldn’t make it.
11). That God didn’t take me because I still have stuff to do.
12). I can believe God will take care of Zack no matter what.
13). For my sisters... George taught me how to have a party and to make people comfortable.
Winnie taught me that when Dave got Connie pregnant and I asked her what I should do and she reminded me to ...just love him! Mabel taught me what not to do.
14). I have friends I’ve had for my entire life and it seems like we just saw each other yesterday.
15). Art and Vic both knew where they were going and they weren’t afraid of where they were going.
16). None of my kids had to go to jail.
17). Jenny appears to be getting her shit together.
18). Art didn’t die in that terrible car accident.
19). All of the kids took care of things after Art died, so I wouldn’t have to.
20). In this recession all the kids are working and the ones who aren’t are accepting what they get.
We will always remember mom’s:
Holiday melt-downs (remembering mostly those who were not in attendance).
Her ability to rise to the occasion and be the crisis go-to person.
Her ability to get people to laugh.
Her mother’s instinct, somehow knowing when I was about to go in labor.
Her genuine appreciation whenever we did anything nice for her.
Her Frico,
Her sniff and that thing she did with her toes.
Her soft cuddly hugs.
The way she wanted everyone to be serious when we didn’t want to.
Her love for road trips.
Her love for her own children and grandchildren.
God didn’t take mom 5 years ago because I believe He loved her too much. He wanted her to learn to fully trust Him first. The two of them had some work to do and I believe they finally finished it. He was the boss and she finally learned to surrender her life to Him. I’m so grateful for the churches who loved on mom in these past few years and taught her that works don’t get you into Heaven and that God gave up His only son for her... and you! There is nothing she could have done on this earth that He couldn’t forgive. He took care of it all on the cross.
I’m grateful for a few things right now...
I’m grateful for Dad taking such good care of mom over the years. In these past several years I’ve been a little mad at him actually for spoiling her and making her so needy but I guess he just did what God commands and loved his wife like Christ loves the church.
I’m grateful for Vic and all she did for mom ... and how her children are still so good about staying connected.
Patricia... I’m grateful that although you and mom had your moments, you had that special time just a few weeks ago. I will never forget hearing her telling you she didn’t know what she would do without you.
Chris... I’m grateful for you trying to get Mom to believe God’s promises and all of the arguments you had. In a sick way I think I’ll even miss them!
Dave... for all you did for mom. You stepped in a took Dad’s place. You took a lot from her and didn’t deserve so much of it. All of the times you came over to help her! You literally gave your last dime to her and you’ve said you would do it again in a heartbeat!
Naze... You took such good care of her. What would we do without your nursing expertise! And if I believe correctly she just last week told you that you are a “genius” regarding her new friend, Fred. She went on a date!
Goose... You really took over Dad’s place ... probably too much! Words cannot express the appreciation I have for all you’ve done. It will never be forgotten or taken for granted!
We know that Grandma (“Honeybear” to a couple of you) loved all of her grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She loved how my son, John got upset that she never called him. She had the best time with Katie at American Idol recently. She absolutely loved Loren... and Trevor.. and Zack! You all have your own memories, and I hope and pray you know how much she loved you! Can you believe that at the age of 74 she had 14 great-grandchildren?
As we celebrate mom’s life today I’m sure we will all miss her, but I think we can all agree that we are all extremely happy for her. She has been lonesome for Dad every single day for these 5-1/2 years. I’m really glad we got to share some special times with her lately. I’m grateful for our recent road trip to Chicago where she talked about her funeral and the music she wanted to be played and how important it was to her to have all of her grandchildren here. Naze and I think we exhausted her here in Michigan this past year or so. I believe with all of my heart that there is a party going on in Heaven right now. As we are all having our party here, they are having their own! She is reunited with her family, her parents, all of her siblings, her husband, her first-born child and especially her Lord and Savior. When she was napping the other day I believe God looked down at her and said, “Come home” and she followed Him. Her body is fully restored now and it’s what she wanted more than anything.
Mom and Dad did a lot of things we thought were crazy through the years, but they did WAY more good. They taught us what commitment means (by staying married for over 50 years) and what it means to make a decision to love. Mom always said that parents always love their kids more than their kids love their parents. I don’t really know if she was right or not, because today I sure am loving her! It makes me smile.
As Patricia said on the phone to me, “I’m proud of Mom. This was the most independent thing she has ever done.”
For me it was all summed up when I watched Rebekkah and the way she looks at her precious new baby, Jacob. We all had lunch Friday afternoon after making the funeral arrangements. There sat Bek with her mom, aunt and two uncles. As she sat there with us she was a million miles away. She could have been in the midst of a tornado, but nothing mattered as much as her little boy. The smile on her face reminded me of the one I had just seen on Mom’s. You see, Rebekkah is a lot like my mom. She has the biggest heart and she obviously loves her child more than anything in the world!
Peace and contentment didn’t always come easy for mom. They moved around more than anyone else I know, but that’s a whole other story! She was the baby of her family (10 years younger than her next sibling) and I wonder if she wasn’t just a tad spoiled? She lost her mom when she was 12 years old, when a lot of girls her age don’t like their mom. For 62 years mom carried guilt around thinking she was somehow responsible. I’ll never forget the time she shared that story with me when they lived in Florida. I tried to help her understand, but she just couldn’t comprehend the truth of the matter.
Mom married Dad when she was 17 years old and Dad was 18 (back in November of ‘53). She would be the first to tell you she got married because 1). She wanted to get out of the house and 2). She and dad wanted to have sex. Mom and Dad were good Catholics and had 7 children in a little over 10 years. Mom was proud to say the only one they planned was Goose (the baby of our family.) Don’t worry Goose, we love you dearly! Mom and Dad were kids when they had us and they had no idea how to be parents. They had lost their parents early on and I don’t mean any disrespect when I say they did the best they could. All things considered, I think they did a great job! We are such a close family!
Mom (& Dad) wanted more than anything for all of us kids to love each other. She didn’t have to worry because we did anyway and we still do! We bonded together in so many ways. As we talked about it the other night, we grew close as a result of some punishments we received, dishes, weeding, scraping the boat, and cleaning! We talked about how we learned quickly to never “tell on each other” or else! I’m sure mom is responsible for the work ethic that was instilled in each of us.” Half-assed was never allowed! She got to the point at the end of her life to say she was sorry for not always being the perfect mom.
For some reason mom lived her life with so many struggles and health issues. Losing her mom at such a young age, marrying so young and having all of those kids, losing her first-born daughter and her husband was very hard on her. She had so many losses in her life and it took it’s toll on her body. We all know she had weight issues her whole life, diabetes, lung cancer, congestive heart failure, triple-bypass surgery and was in a coma for over 2 weeks.
We all know she wasn’t always the easiest person to be around. She was pretty miserable a lot of the time after losing Vic... and Dad. I remember last year when we were on a road trip together she was in a particularly negative mood. Honestly, I couldn’t take very much more, so I asked her to make a list of all of the positive things she could think of and what she was grateful for. I found it the other day.
In her words on May 8, 2009...
1). My Pastor lead me to God.
2). All my kids are successful and level headed.
3). So many wonderful years with Art.
4). My brain works well enough. I’m not handicapped on the street.
5). Wonderful grandkids.
6). That my kids live a good life.
7). I have enough money to live like I want.
8). I’m still alive after the coma.
9). That I’ve gone through what I have because I’m stronger.
10). Art and I proved people wrong by saying we couldn’t make it.
11). That God didn’t take me because I still have stuff to do.
12). I can believe God will take care of Zack no matter what.
13). For my sisters... George taught me how to have a party and to make people comfortable.
Winnie taught me that when Dave got Connie pregnant and I asked her what I should do and she reminded me to ...just love him! Mabel taught me what not to do.
14). I have friends I’ve had for my entire life and it seems like we just saw each other yesterday.
15). Art and Vic both knew where they were going and they weren’t afraid of where they were going.
16). None of my kids had to go to jail.
17). Jenny appears to be getting her shit together.
18). Art didn’t die in that terrible car accident.
19). All of the kids took care of things after Art died, so I wouldn’t have to.
20). In this recession all the kids are working and the ones who aren’t are accepting what they get.
We will always remember mom’s:
Holiday melt-downs (remembering mostly those who were not in attendance).
Her ability to rise to the occasion and be the crisis go-to person.
Her ability to get people to laugh.
Her mother’s instinct, somehow knowing when I was about to go in labor.
Her genuine appreciation whenever we did anything nice for her.
Her Frico,
Her sniff and that thing she did with her toes.
Her soft cuddly hugs.
The way she wanted everyone to be serious when we didn’t want to.
Her love for road trips.
Her love for her own children and grandchildren.
God didn’t take mom 5 years ago because I believe He loved her too much. He wanted her to learn to fully trust Him first. The two of them had some work to do and I believe they finally finished it. He was the boss and she finally learned to surrender her life to Him. I’m so grateful for the churches who loved on mom in these past few years and taught her that works don’t get you into Heaven and that God gave up His only son for her... and you! There is nothing she could have done on this earth that He couldn’t forgive. He took care of it all on the cross.
I’m grateful for a few things right now...
I’m grateful for Dad taking such good care of mom over the years. In these past several years I’ve been a little mad at him actually for spoiling her and making her so needy but I guess he just did what God commands and loved his wife like Christ loves the church.
I’m grateful for Vic and all she did for mom ... and how her children are still so good about staying connected.
Patricia... I’m grateful that although you and mom had your moments, you had that special time just a few weeks ago. I will never forget hearing her telling you she didn’t know what she would do without you.
Chris... I’m grateful for you trying to get Mom to believe God’s promises and all of the arguments you had. In a sick way I think I’ll even miss them!
Dave... for all you did for mom. You stepped in a took Dad’s place. You took a lot from her and didn’t deserve so much of it. All of the times you came over to help her! You literally gave your last dime to her and you’ve said you would do it again in a heartbeat!
Naze... You took such good care of her. What would we do without your nursing expertise! And if I believe correctly she just last week told you that you are a “genius” regarding her new friend, Fred. She went on a date!
Goose... You really took over Dad’s place ... probably too much! Words cannot express the appreciation I have for all you’ve done. It will never be forgotten or taken for granted!
We know that Grandma (“Honeybear” to a couple of you) loved all of her grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She loved how my son, John got upset that she never called him. She had the best time with Katie at American Idol recently. She absolutely loved Loren... and Trevor.. and Zack! You all have your own memories, and I hope and pray you know how much she loved you! Can you believe that at the age of 74 she had 14 great-grandchildren?
As we celebrate mom’s life today I’m sure we will all miss her, but I think we can all agree that we are all extremely happy for her. She has been lonesome for Dad every single day for these 5-1/2 years. I’m really glad we got to share some special times with her lately. I’m grateful for our recent road trip to Chicago where she talked about her funeral and the music she wanted to be played and how important it was to her to have all of her grandchildren here. Naze and I think we exhausted her here in Michigan this past year or so. I believe with all of my heart that there is a party going on in Heaven right now. As we are all having our party here, they are having their own! She is reunited with her family, her parents, all of her siblings, her husband, her first-born child and especially her Lord and Savior. When she was napping the other day I believe God looked down at her and said, “Come home” and she followed Him. Her body is fully restored now and it’s what she wanted more than anything.
Mom and Dad did a lot of things we thought were crazy through the years, but they did WAY more good. They taught us what commitment means (by staying married for over 50 years) and what it means to make a decision to love. Mom always said that parents always love their kids more than their kids love their parents. I don’t really know if she was right or not, because today I sure am loving her! It makes me smile.
5 comments:
what a beautiful tribute. brought sweet tears to my eyes. So much love in every word that you wrote...may you feel His arms of love around you today and may He carry you today and every day in the future. She is well and whole and in the most perfect place...sorta envy her. Love you.
beautiful tribute to your Mom Ang, so glad you are at peace with this
love you, Susie
You can tell your mom was loved. As the pastor said, all the people there for the funeral was quite a tribute to her. You wrote a beautiful memoir of your mom's life. I am sure she will be sorely missed -- I do hope your happy memories of her and the love of your friends and family help you through this difficult time.Love, Kathie and Dennis
I thought this was the sweetest thing. I've been praying for you these past days (and will continue to do so.) Rest well tonight, dear one.
love,
karen
My friend...
Obviously yours was a very special family. This was such a wonderful tribute to your Mom...but to the family dynamic as well.
The longer I live the more I learn that there is no one mold for a family. Because every family is begun with all that the parents bring to the marriage. That colors the way they parent their children. Each bringing their own ideas and finding a way to mesh them together. Along with that comes each child bringing their own 'stuff' ...Add together and mix well and you have the family!
And, no one can say that one family or another famiy are right or wrong...they're just different. And, all cope with what is laid before them.
Sounds as if you Mom did a fine job. And such a beautiful list of thngs she was thankful for. What a wise thing for you to request. All of you are who you are today because of all you have seen and done and been through. God puts families together as he sees fit. It sounds as if yours was a very special one.
I am going to send you some scripture by email. I don't have it handy right now.
God love you, my friend.
I am going to send you another message that has some scripture in it that I found the day or two after Mom died.
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