If you ask anyone who knows me, they would tell you I am a planner. My family affectionately (I think) calls me the "cruise director". Okay, I like to be organized. I totally believe what a friend once told me... "If you fail to plan, you might as well plan of failing". I've recited that to my husband a million times. I like to call it proactive instead of reactive. I think I was born that way. My belief is that if I don't do it, it won't get done. If I'm being honest, I get a little resentful for having to make all of the plans--all of the time! Oh, and I better add that I don't like change. I don't like surprises either. Once a plan is made, I don't want anyone messing with it. I've come to realize what a control freak I really am. I had always heard that phrase and didn't really see it as bad. I secretly thought it was kind of cool. I am drawn to other control freaks. I like to be around them because I know they can be counted on to follow through and get the job done.
Until this morning, when I read Love Letter Four: Numbers in Dr. Larry Crabb's book. God had carefully planned out a trip to Caanan for 603,500 people and only TWO made it to the Promised Land. As Dr. Crabb explains... "Everyone else was presumptuous and unbelieving."
It has been my assumption that if I make all of the plans there will be no disappointment. Well, the Bible tells me that no matter how much I plan, life will still be full of disappointment and people will always let me down. I've always thought that if I do the right thing, life will go smoothly. I'm learning that I can't control everything, even with my perfect plan and it isn't supposed to be easy! I know it in my head, just not my heart.
There are so many changes in my life right now it's beginning to drive me crazy. This girl who doesn't like change is being tested. As I laid in bed this morning I reflected on all of those changes. Wow, the list is long! Will I trust and believe God that His plans are better than mine?
This song convicts me every single time I hear it. I don't seem to Praise Him in the middle of the storms, changes or disappointments, but I sure do Praise Him after He brings me through them. I wrestle and complain through them! I am learning that He cares more about me learning to trust Him during the journey... and all of these changes.
Love,
Angie xoxo
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14 comments:
Angie, we are so much alike. I (still do) struggled with being a control freak, in order to keep my life in order. I always falsely believed that I could avoid hurt and disappointment by having control.
I find myself cringing when I hear "we can count on Nise' to get the job done", I have to check and see if its because the "be in control" mode is back or I just got the job done.
Love your heart!
Having any thoughts to coming to see Beth in Grand Rapids in May?
I hate to break it to you sweet thing....but change is the only thing that will be truly consitent in your life besides the LORD who is the only ONE who is consistent. I've learned that and lived in. Still not used to it and don't always welcome it with open arms/open heart. What can I say He's still working on me, and I do know that change keeps happening and He is in control which makes it all the better. You will be fine, just hold on to the ONE who is in control !!!!
I like to be around them because I know they can be counted on to follow through and get the job done.
Your very own words that resonate with-in me, perhaps that is why I've started coming here. ;-)
Lovingly,
Yolanda
Oh, I do like a good plan! And, it is just 'heaven' when everyone does their part and it all comes together like it is supposed to! How often does that happen? LOL!
I enjoyed reading your words this morning and they sure resonated with me. I have found that I can be flexible...if I can pout a little first because'someone' didn't do their part!
Isn't it wonderful that we can still grow and learn as we go through life?
Blessings to you today, my friend. Stay warm!
Well that must explain our friendship, at least partly. Mary Lou's words echo through me as a call to let go. Like you said, I know this is true, but can't seem to tell my mind to shut it off to open the door for God.
So...where are we going? I'll not soon forget what you said the first time you visited. "You have everything planned down to the minute." Not so good.
One thing that helps is you are adventurous. Lots of change right now and it will settle soon, but in the meantime, try to rest.
Love you, Annette
You're the real thing Angie! I've thought a lot about Crabb's comment back in the preface and it again stirs in my mind as I think about being a control freak. He talked about things that feel awful to us as we plan through life and they don't happen. He said you'll see them as tragedies to reverse if possible, endure if necessary, and at all costs prevent from happening again. Reverse. Endure. Prevent. I have overcome so much in my own life and I can reverse, endure, prevent---oh my. I can do that! And if I do control my world that way, I'll misunderstand what matters. I think there are a lot of people misunderstanding and never questioning it, never even knowing it. Wonder what He will say to us when we see Him face-to-face. Makes me want to not misunderstand what's going on...I'll give you one example--- How many times have you heard---Just obey and do the next thing, do the right thing...but what about what is going on inside of your heart?
I have to stop my ramblings here...just wanted to say I love you and think the world of you. Bev
I am an almost reformed planner. I can still feel the total planner trying to emerge occasionally. As a result, your post really spoke to me.
(I still don't care for surprises - unless I am the 1 doing the surprising!)
Love, Annette H
Your entry today could have been mine. It was as if you knew me and how I think.
I am also reading the Bible through with Bev. It is encouraging to see what things the Lord brings to mind as we are reading together.
My dad's birthday would have been yesterday. He also died of multiple myeloma in 1997.
Another thing we have in common.
Have a blessed day!
I'm trying out a new motto: "change...good stuff." So far it's not really working for me. (probably because its a "change" from my old motto: "pardon me while I hide my head in the sand til it all goes away.") Anyway, I loved your thoughts about change and I love knowing I'm not alone in "changing." I miss you!
love,
karen
Oh girl, this spoke to me. Me...the control freak. Me who is planning a wedding. Me would freaks out quite frequently lately. I'm trusting God to help me. He is the one I want in control.
Great post.
Hugs!
Kat
My name is Sandy. I live in the Pacific NW. You don't know me from Adam. After the Lord bringing your blog to my attention, and reading it for the last two days...I feel like I know you and feel the need to thank you for your blog.
I wonder if you realize how your blog ministered to me and therefore ministers to so many others?
I read back as far as Dec. 08. When I read this that you wrote:
"If I lost everything in the world and just had His Word I know I would be fine. Just fine. So would you! Our God can be trusted. I'm praying for the lost tonight who don't have God in their life and are worried about their future."
I would like to feel the same as the above.
You see, we may just be doing what you say you could face and be "just fine".
My husband is in his 60's and the co. he works for may go under and his field is not hiring. We have always lived pay check to pay check and if the unthinkable happens...well, I will indeed have my Bible, but will I be "just fine"? I don't know. Ihope so for the Lord's sake.
But I do want to thank you for the many blogs and songs you posted that have encouraged me...thank you again.
Dear Willsmum,
I noticed you don't have a blog and didn't leave your e-mail address, but I wanted to tell you that today is my birthday. Your comment was BY FAR the best gift I have ever received. I am NOT kidding! I am touched that you would read my blog. I'm just a mom who is learning as I go. If anything I might share encourages someone, I know for sure that it's not me. It is ONLY God.
I'm praying for you and for your husband right now before I hit "publish". I don't remember when I posted what you wrote, but I needed to hear it again myself. I want to believe I will be "just fine" as well, but when the time comes to be tested, I hope I will find Peace and keep believing Him... and His promises.
Thank you for reading my blog and for posting your comment. Just when I think I have nothing to share, God gives me a wink... and He did through you tonight! You have no idea how much it meant to me!
Happy Valentine's Day, my new friend!
Love,
Angie xoxo
p.s.... I meant to call you by your real name, Sandy! I hope you'll start a blog of your own. I'd love to read what's in your heart! :)
I'm so sorry I forgot to wish you a happy birthday...I knew it was after reading your blog and I meant to.
You honor me by saying my post to you was your best birthday gift, it was kind of you to say so.
I also want to thank you for calling me your new "friend".
I feel so alone right now you have no idea how much that meant.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your prayers.
No, I don't have a blog, I have no idea how to start one and at this time I don't know that I could follow thru if I did.
But, I'm so thankful for your blog and how you share your heart and most importantly how you listen to the Lord and speak His Words.
I look forward to reading the remainder and anything else you write.
I listened to so many of the songs you posted and let the words minister to me...I've felt some peace today, I continue to pray for more.
My first prayer to Jesus was, Please don't let my husband lose his job, but now I just plead with Him for peace so that I may glorify Him in whatever the end result is.
I know He is Good, I know He is My Father, I know He is my Saviour, I know He is.
I await His good pleasure in answering my prayers and any prayer you may also pray for this situation.
I can leave you my email address if you wish.
Thank you so much for answering the reply I left.
You're very, very kind.
Your "new friend", Sandy
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