In this week's Cover to Cover reading of the Bible chronologically we are reading Proverbs and it's full of wisdom and God knows I need more. This week I am only going to add one...
Proverbs 12:25
An anxious heart weighs a man down,
but a kind word cheers him up.
I am coming to you all this Sunday in hopes that you can help me.
I was chatting with my sister last night and she brought up a question that honestly, I had no idea how to answer. Her son who is 8 years old has Tourette's Syndrome. She said she is struggling with how to answer him when he asks why God gave it to him? She told me he prays every night for God to take it away and doesn't understand why God doesn't listen to his prayers.
This morning I woke up wondering how I would respond to that question if he were my son. I wished I could just open my Bible and know exactly where to go to find the answer to why God would allow this in a way to make an 8 year old understand. I believe it's in there, but I just don't know where to go. The one thing I know for sure is that God is loving and compassionate and not cruel. He is right here in the middle of all of this and He cares and wants to wrap His arms around this boy!
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6).
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)
Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." (Matthew 19:26)
The truth is, I have NO idea how to communicate this to my sister or my nephew.
I come to you today asking how you would respond to an 8 year old boy? I am feeling a bit insecure in that by now I should have an answer on the tip of my tongue but I don't. How would you talk with your son?
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your wisdom and kind words for my little sister!
In His Love,
Angie xoxo
17 comments:
Angie, Wayne and I firmly believe God doesn't give these diseases and misfortunes. He allows them. I hope the little guy can know God didn't single him out and "give" him this - otherwise I think it will be very difficult for him to have faith in a God who would do such a thing.Feel badly as he works thru it.
Ang,
We as humans have our problems each one of us have different things that are not what some people think is normal... some of the things that is wrong with us we can all see and some of the things we can't... If you have never read Joni Ereickson Tada books I would sujest you do, it will give you a much better understanding of why we are not all "normal"...
My oldest daughter had a hard time in school, she was called domp, and stupid... She didn't understand, we finally found out that she has dyslexia, and that made it very hard for her to keep up and get good grades... She did have a great teacher and she worked with her and she learned to do her school work and keep us... I'm thankful that she can... And i know there are things that won't get better, or get where no one notices, I'm a firm beleaver, that God has these beuatiful people here for us... Sometimes just knowing that there is a loving God makes it ok... I understand it can be hard, but we all have something wrong with them, God just has somethings that we can all see and some that we can't...
Ang I will keep them all in my prayers...
Connie
GBU
Ang, whoa that is a hard one. I've watched my kids right now praying for 2 things. That I would get healed and that their dad would get help and come home. For now God is saying "no" or "wait" to both of those prayers. They do not understand. As adults we have a hard time understanding, it is even that much harder for a child.
Unfortunately, her son may need to change his prayers. So that he can see God working. Maybe pray that kids wouldn't be mean or pray that he would have a really fun day. I know those sound silly but God may not choose to heal him and we don't want our kids to believe that means God isn't listening.
Sorry I'm being so long-winded, this is a subject near and dear to my heart. I think I will pray for your sister that God gives her divine wisdom. That she will be blown away by what comes out of her mouth to comfort her son.
The heart of God is good, that doesn't mean all cirucmstances are good. Love your heart, Ang.
Sheryl
Angie,
I do not believe God gives illnesses to us but rather allows it. He also doesn't promise to heal or remove bad things. You may be able to reference Paul who had a some sort of undescribed discomfort/illness that was his "thorn in his side" and God never removed it. YET, we know how Paul lived his life. In prison he was not whoa is me but rather he preached the gospel and praised God. Your nephew may never be healed or God may withhold His healing UNTIL His plan is fulfilled whether that is something He must do within your nephew or your sister or who knows who it might be in your nephews path that He wants to speak to or do a work in.
I hope this makes sense. For example, I don't know why God has not sold me house. I'm thankful for my living space but why not now. I don't know...I do know that it could be a multiple of reasons. there may be something within my heart or emotions that He needs to further heal or perfect. Maybe He is waiting for that right landlord to buy a house to rent to me. Maybe it's not about me but about the buyer who buys my house. I know this is off the wall example but God works in mysterious ways and maybe times it is not about us directly or maybe not about something close. Maybe God will not restore my marriage until He does a work in my DH's mother and step-father. See what I'm saying...it may not be just about restoring me, restoring my DH, but also restoring those in our paths.
Maybe God is trying to develop your nephew's character by enabling to see PAST his illness, past the inconveniences it causes, past the life he doesn't have because of it. See, God wants us to see that He is all we need and want. He wants us to want Him MORE than we want healing, restoration, babies, jobs, or whatever it is.
Illness is the one mystery regardign no direct promise in God's Word. Many wonderful Christians suffer with severe illness and they die with them also. Why? It may be to bring ONE soul to life in Christ. We cannot beat ourselves over the head asking why me or why not or why anything. Sheryl is correct that your nephew probably needs to examine what he is asking God and to change that. Maybe you can print out my blog posting entitle "Busy Signal". I believe that is the one I dealt with God always hearing us but the answer may be no, not yet, or yes.
I really, like Sheryl, that once we remove our focus from receiving our healing or receiving our reconciliation, THAT is when God can work not only in our situation but in US. Remember, God is not concerned with our happiness and our circumstances. Rather He is concerned about our joy and that is to have joy in the midst of trials. Give him James 1:2 also which says to consider it pure joy, my brothers, when we suffer trials of many kinds. It goes on to say in Romans that suffering develops perserverance, perserverance hope, and hope develops character....or something like that. God is NOT concerned with our comforts but rather with our character. He's not concerned with our plans but with HIS purposes. There are many things we may not know the purpose or plan on this side of Heaven. Encourage him to trust and know that God HAS allowed this for His purpose and it has nothing to do with a lack of love. Also, because he has not been healed YET, doesn't mean God hasn't answered...it's all in HIS timing. I've often wondered why after 11 months He has not restored my marriage and it appears there's not been much progress made. When it seems as though nothing is happening, that is when something IS happening.
Continue to seek the Lord in your response. You have a wonderful heart!!! God is given you a wonderful opportunity to encourage and witness in His name for Him through your nephew.
Love to you, my friend!!
Paula
I'm behind (again) so it's nice getting to "catch up" with you tonight.
Gosh, I wish I knew the answer. As a breast cancer survior, I know that's it's easy to question why and I'm sure it's even harder for an 8 year old. Much, much harder. Bless his heart. In my case, almost immediately I decided not to question why, but to put myself in God's hands and just believe that whatever happened I would be okay. And I will. I'll pray for your nephew and his family.
I hope your weekend was a good one.
Hugs!
Kat
Annie,
As you have asked your "pals" here on your blog for better understanding about the question Zack asked me, I want to remind you of all the wisdom we shared together last night! We actually did come up with similar ideas, much like your blog friends are expressing...
Although this is very very long, I thought it would be very enlightening for your friends to see how you are truly "walking the walk" that you strive so hard for...your blog friends are truly blessed to have you in their lives!
Friends, sit back with a cup of coffee and enjoy "hearing" a fantastic conversation between my sister and I...
Karn Lamb: when you talk about difficulties, i have the most trouble explaining to zack the answer when he says
Karn Lamb: "mom, why did God give me tourette's"?
Karn Lamb: now, that's a tough one.
Karn Lamb: then he says "was it the devil"
angelabaylis:
It's worth asking my gals!
angelabaylis:
NO
angelabaylis:
not Satan!
Karn Lamb: and of course, since i don't believe in the devil
angelabaylis:
I do!
angelabaylis:
I do!
Karn Lamb: i tell him it's the world that gave it to him
angelabaylis:
Really?
Karn Lamb: then he reminds me that "God is in control of everything"
angelabaylis:
We weren't brought up believing in the devil
angelabaylis:
but now I am sure of his existence
angelabaylis:
it's in the Bible.
angelabaylis:
the great deceiver
Karn Lamb: then i have to remind him that God gave us a a brain, which he didn't give the plants
Karn Lamb: and it's with that mind that we have to make decisions, like to get him the meds
Karn Lamb: and then to see the horrible side effects of them
Karn Lamb: and to take him off of them
Karn Lamb: but, in his wee little brain, he wants an answer to why God gave him Tourette's
angelabaylis:
I will work on that one!
Karn Lamb: he prays every night for God to take it away
angelabaylis:
I need an answer too
Karn Lamb: and...of course, when he wakes up, and has such a severe case of TS still, he doesn't understand why God doesn't listen
Karn Lamb: then i have to go into "gods time" is different than our time
Karn Lamb: and that God can't take it away
angelabaylis:
I believe He CAN!
Karn Lamb: that he has TS, and God didn't give it and he can't take it away
angelabaylis:
He CAN take it away
angelabaylis:
I would think about this a little longer.
Karn Lamb: what God can do, is give people the understanding that people can be different, and that that is ok!
Karn Lamb: but you see, if zack has TS for the rest of his life, i dont' want him to feel that God doesnt' take care of things
angelabaylis:
I need a better understanding of this.
Karn Lamb: zack will often ask, "why didn't god take away pops' cancer?"
angelabaylis:
There are a lot of people who have Down's Syndrome and other things who are very spiritual.
angelabaylis:
I know that one!
Karn Lamb: yes, zack is extremely spiritual
angelabaylis:
God was ready to take him home!
Karn Lamb: and has tremendous love for God
Karn Lamb: and trust in him
angelabaylis:
If I were him with those questions I'd have a hard time loving God!
Karn Lamb: but, that doesn't explain to a 8 year old mind, why god would make zack suffer so terribly
Karn Lamb: but he does love him
angelabaylis:
There must be an answer
Karn Lamb: and he does believe in him
Karn Lamb: and he does trust him
Karn Lamb: but you see,
angelabaylis:
Do you believe in miracles???
Karn Lamb: but you see, i have to allow zack to have the TS and not feel he has done something wrong to "get it"
angelabaylis:
He hasn't!
Karn Lamb: he often will say "what did i do wrong for god to give me ts?
angelabaylis:
I believe God wants you all to learn something through this all
angelabaylis:
Do you believe in miracles???
Karn Lamb: of course, that is what brings me back to the idea of what needs healing is not zack from his TS, but that God will help to teach others to accept people who are different
Karn Lamb: yes, of course i believe in miracles
angelabaylis:
Good
Karn Lamb: but the miracle would truly be for people to accept my son, as he is!
Karn Lamb: not to be judged
angelabaylis:
Do you in the depths of your heart???
angelabaylis:
accept him that way?
angelabaylis:
or are you frustrated?
angelabaylis:
I'd have a hard time answering that
Karn Lamb: not to be made fun of, or for people to look at him and think he is just an out of control little kid. yes, i do accept him, i do get frusterated, but i totally accept him for who he is with all that he has
Karn Lamb: God has given me Zack, and I truly believe part of the TS in our life is that we are to teach others, like Jesus did,
Karn Lamb: to accept others for who they are!
Karn Lamb: but i don't think God nor the devil gave him the TS
angelabaylis:
I am not sure if he were my son if I'd have the capability to think of others
angelabaylis:
I'd be more selfish
angelabaylis:
about MY kid!
Karn Lamb: he doesn't have cancer or some horrible disease
angelabaylis:
true
Karn Lamb: he will not die from this
Karn Lamb: he can live a healthy productive long life
angelabaylis:
Others will always be mean
angelabaylis:
don't you think?
Karn Lamb: but my job, and his job, is to be comfortable with what he is
angelabaylis:
How's he doing now without meds???
Karn Lamb: yes, others are really mean sometimes, but i think it is usually only because they don't understand. not that they are mean with knowledge
angelabaylis:
they are ignorant
Karn Lamb: he's dong ok with out the meds.. the best thing is that he doesn't have all the horrible side effects
angelabaylis:
They sounded terrible!
Karn Lamb: i dont' think people are mean by nature
Karn Lamb: you see, i believe God made us all perfect,
Karn Lamb: that we came out that way
angelabaylis:
People have their own issues
Karn Lamb: and then, people made bad choices
Karn Lamb: and those choices affect them and the people they affect
Karn Lamb: but, everyone came out of their mothers wombs perfect!
angelabaylis:
Do you think YOU are responsible for Zack being that way?
Karn Lamb: it's the world that has changed that
Karn Lamb: no, not at all...
angelabaylis:
good
Karn Lamb: it leads me back to "the world"
Karn Lamb: maybe it's genetic
Karn Lamb: maybe its from the environment or the foods we eat,
angelabaylis:
Probably is...
angelabaylis:
some have diabetes
Karn Lamb: but not from God, and not from the devil!
Karn Lamb: exactly, it's the same as having diabetes
Karn Lamb: or wahtever
angelabaylis:
yeah
angelabaylis:
God loves him with or without TS
Karn Lamb: but to explain that to Zack, it's not that easy for him to comprehend
Karn Lamb: exactly
angelabaylis:
He loves Zack more than you or I do!
angelabaylis:
I bet
Karn Lamb: that's why i don't pray for a miracle to have God take away his tourettes
Karn Lamb: i pray that people will learn to accept
Karn Lamb: accept people in wheelchairs
angelabaylis:
You pray that way...
angelabaylis:
I'll pray for a miracle!
angelabaylis:
okay?
Karn Lamb: people with downs syndrome, etc
Karn Lamb: bums on the street
Karn Lamb: yes, pray
Karn Lamb: pray as you pray
angelabaylis:
water to wine...
angelabaylis:
Karn Lamb: yes,
angelabaylis:
I believe HE can do anything
Karn Lamb: but i'd rather God worked his miracles on something else
Karn Lamb: honestly
angelabaylis:
or help you handle
Karn Lamb: yes
Karn Lamb: lots of other things i think are better suited for miracles
angelabaylis:
Do you pray for yourself?
Karn Lamb: not to take away zack's ts.
Karn Lamb: heck yes i pray for me!
Karn Lamb: if i am not strong
Karn Lamb: i can not be there for my son
And in the wee hours of the night, Annie and I both left the conversation pondering the idea that started it all, how do you answer when an 8 year old boy asks "why?"...
Sincerely,
Goose/Mary...Zack's mom...Annie's Sister!
Oh Angie,
I understand and I am so sorry. I have heard those same words from all 3 of my boys...and it breaks your heart.
This is what I know for sure: God is good. He gave us a beautiful world to live in and he set the 'natural world' in motion. There are consequences that come from the misuse of our natural environment. I think this encompasses using pesticides, and polluting waterways and creating toxins that blow into our air and that contaminate our food. And this has been happening for centuries. But, there are sad things that are caused by it. Because we live in this natural world, we are going to be affected by things in it. And because it is a natural progression of events, it just is random who it may affect. ((( When Ian was born with his cleft lip and palatte, we went through genetic testing to see if it was caused by something passed down through the family. When we found out that it wasn't, they told us that it very well could have been an environmental factor...something such as me breathing in or coming in contact with some sort of chemical or toxin during my first 6 weeks of pregnancy)))) So, I say that, to say this...God does NOT sit in heaven and just decide to ZAP some people and make them sick. The diseases and syndromes and disorders occur because they do. God desires for us to be healthy and strong. So, He comes along side of us to help us deal with what we have to bear. He does not promise health or healing...though I believe it is reasonable to ask for healing. Just as we would ask for any good thing from our Father. He does promise that He will meet our needs and give us the strength to go through our hard times. In trying to help my children understand this concept when they were younger, I used a chart that I kept on the refrigerator. This was when we first began dealing with Alex's illnes. On one side I wrote WE NEED.......and on the other side I wrote GOD DID THIS. As we searched for ways to help Alex, we would write it on the chart, and when our need was met, we filled that in, too. And these were just small things such as finding a homebound teacher or getting a computer monitor that he could see. But, it showed them that God keeps His promises...He does what He says He will do!
I am sure that with Tourette's, this young man is dealing with embarresment with school friends and in public places. We always encouraged our boys to give the people they were with all the information they knew about their problems. Usually when kids understand, they can be great supporters. Ian told his class one day...whn someone made a remark about his scar on his face..."My face did not finish growing before I was born, so the doctor just sewed it up when I got here." We went to Alex's class and explained to them that he could not see very well, and he would lose his balance easily. They then became great supporters of him and were there when he started to fall. They would just catch him and act like 'no big deal'. Because, they had the info. I do not know if your sister has thought about this or not, but I certainly recommend it. She could even go and talk to his class while herself.
I believe that there are those of us that God chooses to serve as an example to others. I am not saying He makes us sick...I mean that He allows things to continue, so that others will see...so that we can be an example...and so that He will get the glory.
It is not an easy road, and I have been walking it with my 3 boys for over 30 years...I can say with certainty that much good has come out of our situation. God has proven Himself to us over and over. I will continue to ask for a miracle for Alex...if we get it, God will get all the glory. And, if we don't...I will still praise God and give Him the glory for all He does. He is God and if we belong to Him...He may use our lives as He sees fit.
*********************************
" God always gives you all the grace you need. So you will only have to suffer for a little while. Then God himself will build you up again. He will make you strong and steady. And he has chosen you to share in his eternal glory because you belong to Christ." 1 Peter 5:10
"How precious it is, Lord, to realize that You are thinking about me constantly" (Psalm 139:17).
"God is faithful, reliable, trustworthy, ever true to his promises and he can be depended on" (1.Corinthians 1:9
"Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust Him to help you do it and He will" (Psalm 37:5).
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30).
"Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning..."
Lamentations 3:22-23a
*******************************
So sorry to be so long. If you think it would help in any way, Alex would be happy to e-mail this young man and offer him some companionship from someone who understands what it is like to suffer.
Angie,
Will you come to my blog and click on "email me". I'd like to them forward to you a devotional that I received that may provide you and yours some encouragement.
thanks,
Paula
As I read these comments, and especially yours, Goose, I see no one is immune from suffering. I lift up prayers to each of you for your walk to be made stronger in the severe testing of your faith. Remember Job never knew why God allowed his suffering, but he proved faithful, turning to Him, when he felt all others had deserted him. Goose, I remember asking why God would give my mother the one thing she was afraid of most as her battle, and since this world is temporary, and I believe God was preparing her for her eternal position in His Kingdom. Zack and my mom will probably be "four-star generals" in God's army.But days are no doubt long for an eight-year old. I bet he is one of God's favorites, though. (even though I know the Bible says there is no partiality with God. He sees, and I assure you his suffering is not in vain. He has more purpose being here just the way he is than we can begin to know.)Ang, I want to talk more to you about this offline, or next time we talk. Love and prayers to each of you!
Annette
Ang,
I came across this while drafting my next post. I though it MIGHT comfort your nephew.
In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted. 2 Timothy 3:12
It's the given character of the Christian life.
James also tells us in 1:2 to consider it pure joy when we suffer trials of many kinds. I would really recommend him reading the life of Paul and all he had to endure with suffering, thorn in side, prison.
God bless you.
Love,
Paula
As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life." John 9:1-3
Who knows what work of God might be displayed in his life?
...a miracle maybe...or teaching others to accept or to pray or to trust God..maybe something else.
I think he may already have taught the readers of your blog and his family many things already.
Hey Ang,
I wonder why he is asking these questions right now? Is he being teased at school? Something is going on that needs to be questioned. I remember my 5-year-old precious girl saying to me: "God isn't good, He just let our new baby die." My answer: Oh, yes He is very good, even though we are sad and the baby is in His Arms not ours...God even let His own son die and didn't stop it. I lost 6 babies to miscarriage and watched my young children not understand...we weren't looking for answers as much as we were looking for God to show up and learn to trust HIM, no matter what. Basically, we all believe two things: God is not good therefore I must take care of myself and God is not here therefore give me someone to touch. Somehow this precious little guy has picked up that life is all about WHAT???... well, what is normal? I begged God as a kid to be "normal" for I was in a family of severe mental illness and alcoholism and it was pure chaos. I blamed God for not giving me a normal family. God could have chosen to change things but He didn't. How awesome that you have the opportunity to hold out hope to this precious kid for a great life as he learns to trust a God he doesn't see. Praying for you Ang! And as you know, it's not about information but transformation. Titus 1:1. Much Love to you, Bev
Ang as I read down through the comments above everyone had such amazing advice! It is so hard to explain to our children the things that go on in this fallen world! The one person that came to mind for me was Paul! He asked 3 times for God to remove the thorn in the flesh, but God did not, and here is why: "To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
I think of this when I think of my son as well! Why does he struggle so? Anyway I have no wish answers only knowing God works everything out, and His power will be seen! Hug that little boy and tell him he is so special! He is not broken!
Annie,
You will certainly win the award for "worlds longest posts on a single topic"! Reading through all of this, I certainly see "God in Action". Zack touches so many lives with his "Godliness" as well as with his Tourette's, and the responses here are evident of this...I am so blessed to have been given the gift of my my son! God is so Good!
Love,
Goose/Annie's Proud Sister/
Zack's Blessed Mom
God has entrusted Zack with a difficult, but important disease. This sets him apart and causes difficulty, but God knows Zack and He knew in His infinite wisdom that this kid could be used. Maybe He saw that this would draw Zack a little bit closer to His warm embrace. He is already cultivating wisdom in this little boy... it's evident by His heart for understanding where God fits in his struggles. I pray that God will use Zack in a mighty way and that He will give him the strength and purpose He needs to walk courageously each day!
Hello Ang
I am a bit behind.. I thought I would share what came to my heart in reading this. Like some have said, asking why, may never give an answer, but you can reassure that God promised He would never leave us or forsake us. He promised to care for the birds in the sky, how much more important are we?
It is difficult to get a small one to understand the greatness of God, His purpose and will, but ALL things work for the good of those who love Him. That all means everything, even those things that hurt us so bad! Imagine Christ on the cross. He asked the Lord that if He could take "this cup from me", meaning is there ANY other way - if you see any other way I will do it. But then he said "Father- Let thy will be done" The pain he endured on that cross, we have nothing to compare to on this earth, but HIS love is greater for us then His own life!
May the Holy Spirit work thru you and your sister as you try to bring Christ, faith and love to an 8 year old babe. May you both have wisdom!! In Jesus Name-
love your siesta!
Angie
Post a Comment