Filling My Nest: March 2015

3.11.2015

Running Like a Girl is a good thing... :)

I'm so excited to be able to help coach Girls on The Run this year. Last year I was a "Running Buddy" for the 5k run and had a blast. I have always had a special place in my heart for girls this age (4th through 6th grade) and I knew right away that I wanted to get involved. We started yesterday and I enjoyed meeting the girls. I know I'm going to love being a part of this awesome program that will teach way more than running.

I'll never forget my high school Softball Coach telling my mom that I only had one problem and that was that I ran like a girl. I remember her responding: "What do you want her to run like? She is a girl!" I don't think he meant to humiliate me, but it could have affected my self-esteem if I was insecure. I wonder if deep down his put-down affected my confidence? I don't think so. I had played softball since I was very young and felt pretty confident that I was a good player with a good arm (so maybe that off-set the way I ran?). Yep, I played 3rd and 2nd base and we were State Champs that year.

I have a feeling I'm going to learn a lot from these girls and I can't wait!

p.s. I'll be running like myself!

Coach Ms Angie :)

"For we live by faith, not by sight." -2 Cor 5:7

Hello, my few dedicated readers.

Today's post is written with more compassion than I can ever express in writing. First of all, I am so grateful for this little space where I can share what's in my heart. I pray God will help me write this one...

This morning I would love to look into the eyes of anyone who hasn't been loved well by their parents. I would love to hold your hand and talk with you. For some reason it's just awkward for us to have this kind of conversation in person and it seems easier to just read it instead, so here goes...

As I've tried to wrestle with what's in my heart I think I finally have an understanding of why so many people do not turn to God. When they need Him most, they don't trust Him. It breaks my heart, but I totally get it. There are so many people hurting out there. You don't have to go to another country to see the desperation and lack of hope. It's right here in our homes. When it comes down to it, I believe so many of us look to food, drugs, alcohol, excessive spending, people and anything else we can find to stuff into a deep hole. We long to be loved and truly accepted for who God made us to be; not for who we think others want us to be. We are desperate. When I question what the heck is going on in my home and why this is happening... or that is happening, I can only get a glimpse of understanding because by the Grace of God I feel loved.

I have never questioned my parents' love. Yes, they were kids when they had us, and they did the best they could; but they totally had each and every one of our backs and they loved us. Period. I felt supported 100% of the time. The communication lines were shaky and messy at times; but seriously, they did a pretty good job at showing me love.

In my fifty plus years, if I have learned anything, it would be that God loves me and He is with me every step of the way, through the hills and through the valleys of my life. But what about those of us who didn't have parents who loved us well? How are we supposed to trust God? And why should we? We didn't see it in our homes; in fact, we saw just the opposite?! What if they left us? What if our parents didn't even like/love us? Isn't that supposed to be a prerequisite for being a parent? Doesn't God only let people have children if He is sure that we will love and treat His children the way He would love us? What if our mothers or fathers didn't have it in them because they were hurting? Or what if they were mad at God for this... or that? What about those who were born with illnesses? I wish I had the answers to these very disturbing questions and when I put myself in your shoes I cannot even imagine the heartache and pain it must bring. I am shaking my head since it is so hard to comprehend a parent not loving their own children well. It saddens me so much that in my little circle of life I know those kind of people. Wow!

I love both of my children; and yes, equally. I would walk through fire to save them. I would do absolutely anything for them. Anything! If something were to happen to my children and I couldn't get there to be with them I would walk, ride a bike, hitch-hike, beg, borrow, steal, or even crawl if I had to. I would literally die for them; I am totally sure of it.

I am grateful that I am a parent so I can understand the love of God. If I weren't a parent, I might get tempted to doubt God's love for me. I have no idea why, but I believe with all my heart that God loves me more than I love my own children. He loves me (and all of his children equally) a zillion times more. He would do anything for us. He sent His One and Only son to die for us. I know you've heard this so many times and it sounds very "church-y," but try to stay with me here. I understand how hard it must be for you to trust that God loves you if you haven't been loved well here on earth by your mom or your dad. I get it.

For some reason my thoughts are shifting to school. When my kids were in elementary, middle and high school they always had parent/teacher conferences. I loved going so I could hear how great my kids were. It was kind of an ego boost. I even waited in lines to talk with their teachers. I remember one time my mom asking me why I was even bothering to go to talk with the teachers when all they did was tell me how great they were. (Haha... I am Blessed and I know it.) I remember hearing teachers telling me how sad it was that the parents whose kids did well usually came to conferences, but those parents whose kids weren't doing as well (and needed it most) didn't attend.

I believe the same is true for those who don't trust God. It's those who need Him most who don't seek Him or trust Him. They didn't have parents who loved them, so they don't think God really loves or cares for them either.

If I could look you in the eye I would love to tell you that you are loved... and you just have to believe it. You are loved more than you could ever comprehend even if your parents didn't show you the kind of love you deserved. You need Him more than you know. Please go to Him. Listen to Him tell you how great you are. He loves you just the way you are. You can pray to Him with messy prayers; just get on your knees. He doesn't believe in clicks or a group that doesn't care about you. Let me also tell you how sorry I am for you. I am sorry you weren't loved like you should have been. God is watching over you and one day, just one day this will all make sense. You will see Him face to face and the story will unfold. You have to go through this life and it is hard at times. It's really hard.

Lord, please wrap your arms around anyone who can relate to this post. I pray this in Your son's name. Amen.

By Faith... Ang

3.05.2015

Thankful Thursday // D.B.

Everybody Hurts by R.E.M

When your day is long
And the night, the night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough
Of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go
'Cause everybody cries
And everybody hurts sometimes
Sometimes everything is wrong
Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone (Hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go (Hold on)
If you think you've had too much
Of this life, well hang on
Everybody hurts
Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts
Don't throw your hand, oh no
Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone
No, no, no, you are not alone
If you're on your own in this life
The days and nights are long
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on
Well, everybody hurts sometimes
Everybody cries
Everybody hurts sometimes

Music... This song takes me back to a place I would rather forget. If I could delete it from my timeline, God only knows where I would be. I remember listening to it on those Friday nights after my kids left to spend the weekend with their dad. The raw emotions were so heavy. I seriously didn't think I would ever stop crying and if it weren't for my kids I wouldn't have wanted to continue living. It was hands-down the worst time of my life. No matter how much I wanted my heart to heal quickly, it was a very slow process. My whole life was torn apart and there wasn't a thing I could do about it. I honestly didn't think I could live through a divorce. My family was everything to me. I tried my best to hold myself together and be strong when my kids were home with me, but when they left I was able to let it go and cry for as long as I needed. God was so good to me; He held me close and eventually my heart was able to thoroughly heal (well, as much as humanly possible), but only after a lot of tears were shed.

This song brought me to tears again tonight, but this time for other reasons. Please pray for all kids from broken homes, especially those whose hearts are still broken as a result of divorce. One guy in particular (Our Godson), doesn't have a lot of hope and I'm not sure he has allowed himself to cry those healing tears yet. He is so special to us and we love him dearly. We hope he finally gets the help he needs. My real prayer is that he surrenders his life and gives it to God; because I believe time doesn't heal; God does. "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." Psalm 56:8 I think it's true that everybody hurts at times in their lives. I am so grateful that at those times God is near and He knows.

Thank you for you prayers.

By Faith... Angie