I'll soon find out... ;)

All of this technology is giving me a headache. I think I'll read a book for awhile. I have a feeling reality will be a lot more peaceful and relaxing. I'll be back on Thursday with a whole list of Blessings.

Please, Lord... Make me a channel of Your Peace.

It's Thursday so I'm going to add to my gratitude list tonight. Let's see...

~Lincoln was able to retrieve my gold cross charm that fell down the drain last night (HUGE).
~Pumpkin candles.
~Last night's cooking class given by an awesome chef that motivated me to want to cook!
~Some new cooking accessories.
~Last weekend's fun celebration.
~Goose (my sister) trying her best to help my brother and giving us a break.
~EGR = Extra Grace Required and Forgiveness for hurtful words.
~My interview today. It sounds too good to be true. I'm cautiously excited.
~Dave's meds adjusted again to help better control his pain.
~Outdoor space heaters.
~Chilly crisp Fall days. My car said 38 degrees a little while ago.
~Gas fireplaces.
~Trustworthy friends helping me with the BAH marketing.
~Clean sheets.
~The Holy Spirit finally getting me to the gym today.
~Being okay with the fact that I was the weakest girl there.
~Hearing my sister, Naze excited about her new job! This is huge as well. She SO deserves it! (Wish Mom was here to share.)
~My brother's old friends writing me to tell me they love him and expressing their concern.
~My clean oven.
~Thank you notes in the snail mail.
~That I still feel like I'm 18 when I'm almost 50. Being surprised when asked when I will retire.
~My life. :)

No better example.

Chris and Stacey will have been married 25 years tomorrow. I have learned so much in my own marriage (and failed marriage) but they have taught me more through theirs. They have been married the longest of any of my siblings. I am honored to have shared those 25 years with them. The lives they have touched are countless. They are two of the most generous people I know. So far they have produced 3 children, one grandson and many many foster children. I don't even know how many people they have brought into the family of believers in God by their example. Their home has an "Open Door Policy" welcoming anyone and everyone. Satan has tried his hardest to destroy their marriage but I can tell you that he hasn't won yet and I don't believe he ever will.

Dear God, You knew what You were doing 25 years ago by bringing Stacey into our family. I consider her one of my best friends. Thank you for showing me another miracle when I look at the picture of my beautiful brother and his wife smiling again. It makes me love You more and makes me want to keep Believing You. Keep protecting their marriage and showing them that their marriage is their testimony, that You can be trusted and that all things are possible when they put You #1. Help them to look at each other the way they did 25 years ago, and to be kind to each other. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Once Upon a Time...

This picture is so blog worthy. Unfortunately I am too tired to write it tonight. Trust me. It will be worth coming back.

(...to be continued)

Bringing Back Thankful Thursday

"I will give thanks to you, LORD, with all my heart;
I will tell of all your wonderful deeds." (Psalm 9:1)

I never tire of giving thanks for the little things and the things I once thought impossible.

I'm Thankful for:

A lot of time spent with Dave... and Pattie... not thinking about tomorrow.
Finally burying Mom's ashes next to Dad and Vic this past Monday.
Closing one box before opening another.
Going to weekday Mass like I used to go to with Vic and those precious memories.
Lunch at a Polish restaurant with my three sisters in Bay City.
$6.99 Buffet for the best lunch.
Dave finally telling me that he hates chicken (after I made him MANY meals with it recently).
The hug he gave me when he thought it hurt my feelings when he told me.
Dilaudid (a medication stronger than Morphine) liquid administered Sub Q every 15 minutes.
Seeing Dave enjoy no bake cookies.
Watching the leaves fall.
So many friends continually asking how my brother is doing.
Cold, rainy days.
Watching Everybody Loves Raymond with Dave and hearing him laugh out loud.
Seeing both of my kids last weekend when they were in town for Ali's wedding.
Conflict resolution between kids and praying they'll always be close.
All of the baby pictures on my refrigerator.
Hot baths.
Good coffee.
Candles.
Trying out new recipes.
Hearing the news and excitement that a friend's daughter is finally pregnant.
Holding so many young babies lately.
My ability to do a headstand after being away from yoga for too long.
Playing catch with John.
Finding my sand wedge. :)
That Meghan wanted to work in a visit to go see her uncle last weekend.
The smell of comfort food cooking in the oven.
Celebrating a very special couple's 25th Wedding Anniversary this weekend! (This is huge!!!)

closure

Let her rest in Peace next to her husband and firstborn.

Alexandra

I'd by lying if I didn't tell you I'm a little bummed that I'm not going to be attending the wedding of an ex-neice of mine tomorrow. Ali was born a month after Meghan and I remember the day she was born. Bronwyn and I went through our pregnancies together and raised our girls together during those early years.  It's times like these when I want to remind the whole world how bad divorce is for families. When they say time heals all wounds, it's just not true.  Meghan is in the wedding and I won't be there, but it's probably just as well. I'd be a mess because Ali is going to be the most beautiful bride and Meghan will be standing next to her looking absolutely gorgeous herself.

I will cherish the small windows of opportunity to be with both of my kids this weekend, and I won't take it for granted when I get to be their taxi.

I'm going to be relying on God to give me His Peace and it will be enough. God is SO good! What would I do without Him? I don't even want to think about it! :)
xo

My dream.

I love that my blog is mine so I can share things many wouldn't dream of telling, like their dreams.

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." ~Hebrews 11:1

I had a dream last Wednesday night and I've been reluctant to share it until now (4 days later) in fear you will think I've totally lost my mind.  After I woke up I didn't want to get out of bed because I wanted to keep re-playing it in my mind and I didn't want to ever forget.  I had to get it out of my head and on paper (so to speak) so I wrote it out in an email to my trusted friend. Later in the day I had to share it with a few people, but it obviously didn't affect them the same way it affected me. (I think they think I'm nuts but didn't want to tell me.)

It. Was. So. Real.

I wrote this to my friend about an hour later.

"I'm at my brother's house. I spent the night here last night. Dave is declining and has been in worse pain (11 on a scale of 1-10). His wife, Pattie wanted me to stay with them so I did. He is on a ton of added liquid morphine and sleeps all the time. He went down so much since I saw him just one week ago. He is so frail. I had the weirdest dream ever just a little while ago. I want to get it down so I don't forget...  
I was trying to fall back asleep when they called me out to the living room. I saw him sitting on the couch with tears in his eyes. To my left on the other side of the room was a very bright light shining directly on him. I didn't know where to look (at the light or at Dave). I looked at Dave and all of a sudden in his tears he raised his right arm straight up with his fist up like in victory. He was still in tears. I tried to go over to him to give him a hug but he shook his head and tried to say no, don't come close. Then I saw a floating set of strong muscular arms with a body but no face going near him as to pick him up. Then the floating figure went into the other bedroom for a quick minute to "kiss" something or someone then came across the hallway to my room. I had my face tiled to look straight up at it. It was kind of like a horse. All I could say was "Thank you" in a whisper because I was so honored that it came to visit me when Dave was out in the other room with tears streaming down his cheeks. It stayed near me for longer than the other room.  It circled around me for a little bit. Then it started to change it's shape and get kind of scary looking, but I couldn't make it out. Then it disappeared. I heard Dave's (real) voice say, "Good Morning" in the perkiest voice ever! Then I heard him talking to Pattie and she told him I had spent the night. I just laid there running the whole scenario over and over again and it still feels like it was real. When I came out to the living room Pattie  told me he got up to go to the bathroom for a second and said "Good Morning" the way he always used to, then went right back to bed, held his stomach and laid back down. Now he is sleeping. I believe it was God who visited us and came to me to personally Bless me. I can't explain it any other way. I haven't shared it with anyone because they might think I'm crazy. Isn't that cool? It was the most real dream I have ever had in my life. What a gift as I sit here with them."

Since then I've thought about it many times.  God understands and knows exactly what we are going through and has compassion on us. He is the head-lifter. He is with us on Dave's good days and his not-so-good days. I used to Hope God was real but now I know He is real. I swear. It's okay if you think I'm nuts. :)

A wonderful day!

Thank you, Sylvia for sending me this song. You have no idea how much this means to me. I really can feel the prayers. I can't explain today any other way than with God's hand on our family.

Today the sun came out for the first time in 4 days. Dave rallied when his boys came to visit him.  He even got down on the floor and played with his grandson.  We were all able to go outside for awhile and enjoy the nice day.  Some may explain it by saying he felt better because of the fluids they gave him at the hospital yesterday, but I believe it was answer to Prayer. Josh and Jackson came along with Randy who hadn't slept since 6:00 yesterday morning. He personally delivered his brand new daughter at his home with his wife early this morning. Apparently the midwife came five minutes after Evelyn Pearl was born. Lizz's mom came to take care of them so Randy could come see his dad. Adam and Molly came too. Naze, Bekka and Jake were there as well as Patricia. Chris came from Wisconsin too. Everyone got to see Dave wide-awake and it was awesome. His pain seemed to be controlled for a little while. :) He even ate a sloppy joe and some chips! That's huge! I was glad Lincoln was able to come up and tell him a few things he had wanted to share. The three of us had a nice little chat. He knows where he is going and he isn't scared. He just feels badly for all of us who are left here. That's so Dave. Still caring more about others than himself.

Thank you God for the wonderful day and for friends who know how to make me feel loved and cared for in the midst of these difficult days.

renewed strength

"He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."
~Isaiah 40: 29-31





I'm so thankful for:

A fairly smooth trip to University of Michigan yesterday so Dave could have his procedure to hopefully deaden the nerves leading to his tumor.
A safe trip home in the cold, dark rainy weather.
The piece of chocolate chip cookie he ate on the way home.
That Vernors and Vanilla ice cream sounded good to him (just like Vic!!)
The conversations Pattie and I are having.
Watching Pattie take such wonderful care of my brother.
My husband's compassion and support.
The concern of my children regarding me and their Uncle Dave.
These comfort meals we are having.
That right this minute his pain is a 3 on the scale of 1-10.
That he is able to rest.
That I am not working so I can be here with them.
That Naze is so generous and has this house right next door.
That Naze is a Registered Nurse!
For the prayers, emails, messages and texts from my friends.
For little Evelyn Pearl Karnowski born early this morning. (Dave's newest grand-daughter.)
That I had the best sleep ever last night and that I feel like great today... Joy came in the morning!
That God's Presence is so obvious to me.

I know I could list a million more things, but I better get off of this computer for now.
xoxo