When I think about it...

It's Thursday and I'm still drained from this past week but I want to take this opportunity to mention just a few things I'm thankful for right now...

For all of my siblings.

For all of the songs that have been dedicated to Mom this week.

For the friends who took time off work & life to come visit me and celebrate my mom's life.

For all of the friends who sent meals, cards, songs,  masses, flowers and more.

For the hugs from so many people.

For the conversation between my brother and John.

For what God did in my son's life this week.

For the conversation between me and John on Tuesday night.

For Pastor Jim's message.

For the distractions during the service that didn't affect anyone else but me.

For all of my nieces and nephews who traveled from afar to be here to honor Grandma.

For the voice mails from friends showing their concern.

For the random text messages this week.

For all of the e-mails from friends asking how I'm doing.

For the contributions donated in honor of Mom.

For the donation from Cuz DeNaze to have a party.

For the strong scent of flowers still here as I enter my house.

For all of my mom's friends who love us.

For all of the seeds God planted along the way.

For a wonderful, supportive husband.

For healing baths and good cries. 

from karen

The Lord your God
is with you,
He is
Mighty to Save;
He takes great
delight in you;
He will quiet you
with His love;
He will rejoice
over you with
singing;

Zephaniah 3:17

Thank you, Karen!

totally overwhelmed

The last of my family just left to go back home to their lives.  My house looks like it was hit by a tornado.  There are pictures, flowers and cards everywhere... More leftovers than we could ever eat... There isn't a clean sheet or towel in the place... but I could care less.  It was the first time I have been alone since last Thursday afternoon. I got the afghan that was on Mom's couch, had a nice cry and a nap.  I'm exhausted but totally overwhelmed by the loving kindness that was displayed by all of my family and friends.

How excellent is thy lovingkindness, O God! therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of thy wings.

Psalm 36:7 (KJV)

p.s. It's been raining all day (perfect for relaxing). Mom would say this was one of those days when she would stay in her pajamas all day long. That's exactly what I did today!

Theresa M. Karnowski 6-18-36 to 9-23-10

Well Mom, you did it.  You finally let go and you let God take control. I knew you would be okay! I will never forget the peaceful smile I saw on your face Thursday afternoon.  It was the most beautiful gift! And your house was perfectly clean! Nothing was out of place. It looked like you succeeding in planning your final perfect party and were relaxing on the couch before everyone arrived! You even had your yogurt and a fresh bottle of water.

As Patricia said on the phone to me, “I’m proud of Mom.  This was the most independent thing she has ever done.”  

For me it was all summed up when I watched Rebekkah and the way she looks at her precious new baby, Jacob.  We all had lunch Friday afternoon after making the funeral arrangements.  There sat Bek with her mom, aunt and two uncles.  As she sat there with us she was a million miles away.  She could have been in the midst of a tornado, but nothing mattered as much as her little boy.  The smile on her face reminded me of the one I had just seen on Mom’s. You see, Rebekkah is a lot like my mom.  She has the biggest heart and she obviously loves her child more than anything in the world!  

Peace and contentment didn’t always come easy for mom.  They moved around more than anyone else I know, but that’s a whole other story! She was the baby of her family (10 years younger than her next sibling) and I wonder if she wasn’t just a tad spoiled? She lost her mom when she was 12 years old, when a lot of girls her age don’t like their mom. For 62 years mom carried guilt around thinking she was somehow responsible. I’ll never forget the time she shared that story with me when they lived in Florida. I tried to help her understand, but she just couldn’t comprehend the truth of the matter.

Mom married Dad when she was 17 years old and Dad was 18 (back in November of ‘53).  She would be the first to tell you she got married because 1). She wanted to get out of the house and 2). She and dad wanted to have sex. Mom and Dad were good Catholics and had 7 children in a little over 10 years. Mom was proud to say the only one they planned  was Goose (the baby of our family.)  Don’t worry Goose, we love you dearly!  Mom and Dad were kids when they had us and they had no idea how to be parents. They had lost their parents early on and I don’t mean any disrespect when I say they did the best they could.  All things considered, I think they did a great job! We are such a close family!

Mom (& Dad) wanted more than anything for all of us kids to love each other.  She didn’t have to worry because we did anyway and we still do!  We bonded together in so many ways.  As we talked about it the other night, we grew close as a result of some punishments we received, dishes, weeding, scraping the boat, and cleaning!  We talked about how we learned quickly to never “tell on each other” or else! I’m sure mom is responsible for the work ethic that was instilled in each of us.” Half-assed was never allowed!  She got to the point at the end of her life to say she was sorry for not always being the perfect mom.

For some reason mom lived her life with so many struggles and health issues.  Losing her mom at such a young age, marrying so young and having all of those kids, losing her first-born daughter and her husband was very hard on her.  She had so many losses in her life and it took it’s toll on her body. We all know she had weight issues her whole life, diabetes, lung cancer, congestive heart failure, triple-bypass surgery and was in a coma for over 2 weeks.

We all know she wasn’t always the easiest person to be around. She was pretty miserable a lot of the time after losing Vic... and Dad. I remember last year when we were on a road trip together she was in a particularly negative mood.  Honestly, I couldn’t take very much more, so I asked her to make a list of all of the positive things she could think of and what she was grateful for. I found it the other day.

In her words on May 8, 2009...

1).  My Pastor lead me to God.
2).  All my kids are successful and level headed.
3).  So many wonderful years with Art.
4).  My brain works well enough.  I’m not handicapped on the street.
5).  Wonderful grandkids.
6).  That my kids live a good life.
7).  I have enough money to live like I want.
8).  I’m still alive after the coma.
9).  That I’ve gone through what I have because I’m stronger.
10).  Art and I proved people wrong by saying we couldn’t make it.
11).  That God didn’t take me because I still have stuff to do.
12).  I can believe God will take care of Zack no matter what.
13).  For my sisters... George taught me how to have a party and to make people comfortable.
Winnie taught me that when Dave got Connie pregnant and I asked her what I should do and she reminded me to ...just love him!  Mabel taught me what not to do.
14).  I have friends I’ve had for my entire life and it seems like we just saw each other yesterday.
15).  Art and Vic both knew where they were going and they weren’t afraid of where they were going.
16).  None of my kids had to go to jail.
17).  Jenny appears to be getting her shit together.
18).  Art didn’t die in that terrible car accident.
19).  All of the kids took care of things after Art died, so I wouldn’t have to.
20).  In this recession all the kids are working and the ones who aren’t are accepting what they get.  


We will always remember mom’s:
Holiday melt-downs (remembering mostly those who were not in attendance).
Her ability to rise to the occasion and be the crisis go-to person.
Her ability to get people to laugh.
Her mother’s instinct, somehow knowing when I was about to go in labor.
Her genuine appreciation whenever we did anything nice for her.
Her Frico,
Her sniff and that thing she did with her toes.
Her soft cuddly hugs.
The way she wanted everyone to be serious when we didn’t want to.
Her love for road trips.
Her love for her own children and grandchildren.


God didn’t take mom 5 years ago because I believe He loved her too much.  He wanted her to learn to fully trust Him first. The two of them had some work to do and I believe they finally finished it.  He was the boss and she finally learned to surrender her life to Him.  I’m so grateful for the churches who loved on mom in these past few years and taught her that works don’t get you into Heaven and that God gave up His only son for her... and you!  There is nothing she could have done on this earth that He couldn’t forgive.  He took care of it all on the cross.

I’m grateful for a few things right now...
 
I’m grateful for Dad taking such good care of mom over the years.  In these past several years I’ve been a little mad at him actually for spoiling her and making her so needy but I guess he just did what God commands and loved his wife like Christ loves the church.
I’m grateful for Vic and all she did for mom ... and how her children are still so good about staying connected.
Patricia... I’m grateful that although you and mom had your moments, you had that special time just a few weeks ago.  I will never forget hearing her telling you she didn’t know what she would do without you.
Chris... I’m grateful for you trying to get Mom to believe God’s promises and all of the arguments you had.  In a sick way I think I’ll even miss them!
Dave... for all you did for mom.  You stepped in a took Dad’s place. You took a lot from her and didn’t deserve so much of it.  All of the times you came over to help her!  You literally gave your last dime to her and you’ve said you would do it again in a heartbeat!
Naze... You took such good care of her. What would we do without your nursing expertise!  And if I believe correctly she just last week told you that you are a “genius” regarding her new friend, Fred. She went on a date!  
Goose... You really took over Dad’s place ... probably too much! Words cannot express the appreciation I have for all you’ve done.  It will never be forgotten or taken for granted!

We know that Grandma (“Honeybear” to a couple of you) loved all of her grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  She loved how my son, John got upset that she never called him. She had the best time with Katie at American Idol recently.  She absolutely loved Loren... and Trevor.. and Zack! You all have your own memories, and I hope and pray you know how much she loved you! Can you believe that at the age of 74 she had 14 great-grandchildren?

As we celebrate mom’s life today I’m sure we will all miss her,  but I think we can all agree that we are all extremely happy for her.  She has been lonesome for Dad every single day for these 5-1/2 years.  I’m really glad we got to share some special times with her lately. I’m grateful for our recent road trip to Chicago where she talked about her funeral and the music she wanted to be played and how important it was to her to have all of her grandchildren here.  Naze and I think we exhausted her here in Michigan this past year or so. I believe with all of my heart that there is a party going on in Heaven right now.  As we are all having our party here, they are having their own!  She is reunited with her family, her parents, all of her siblings, her husband, her first-born child and especially her Lord and Savior.   When she was napping the other day I believe God looked down at her and said, “Come home” and she followed Him.  Her body is fully restored now and it’s what she wanted more than anything.

Mom and Dad did a lot of things we thought were crazy through the years, but they did WAY more good.  They taught us what commitment means (by staying married for over 50 years) and what it means to make a decision to love.  Mom always said that parents always love their kids more than their kids love their parents.  I don’t really know if she was right or not, because today I sure am loving her!  It makes me smile.

Absolutely no more night

The timeless theme, Earth and Heaven will pass away. 
It’s not a dream, God will make all things new that day. 
Gone is the curse from which I stumbled and fell.
Evil is banished to eternal hell.

No more night. No more pain.
No more tears. Never crying again. 
And praises to the great "I AM." 
We will live in the light of the risen Lamb.

See all around, now the nations bow down to sing. 
The only sound is the praises to Christ, our King. 
Slowly the names from the book are read. 
I know the King, so there’s no need to dread.

No more night. No more pain.
No more tears. Never crying again. 
And praises to the great "I AM." 
We will live in the light of the risen Lamb.

See over there, there’s a mansion, oh, that’s prepared just for me,
Where I will live with my savior eternally.

No more night. No more pain.
No more tears. Never crying again. 
And praises to the great "I AM." 
We will live in the light of the risen Lamb.

All praises to the great "I AM."
We’re gonna live in the light of the risen Lamb.

My mom

I just know my mom is singing at the top of her lungs right now!

I love you, Mom!

xoxo

my bottom line

I opened my devotional and His Word this morning (first time in a long time) and wouldn't you just know the topic of the day had to do with giving up all of my possessions and following Him. It was about the "stuff".  It was about making sure money isn't my god. I better not be making any of my decisions based on the wrong "goals" or "production". When it comes to "bottom line" I want it to be all about Him and eternity.

Jesus looked at him and said, "How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God! Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." (Luke 18:24-25)

Lord, please keep my eyes on You!

my heart is set

Like Incense

May my prayer like incense rise before You
The lifting of my hands a sacrifice
Oh Lord Jesus turn Your eyes upon me
For I know there is mercy in Your sight

Your statutes are my heritage forever
My heart is set on keeping Your decrees
Please still my anxious urge toward rebellion
Let Love keep my will upon its knees

Oh God You are my God
And I will ever praise You
Oh God You are my God
And I will ever praise You

To all creation I can see a limit
But Your commands are boundless and have none
So Your Word is my joy and mediation
From the rising to the setting of the sun

All Your ways are loving and are faithful
The road is narrow but Your burden light
Because You gladly lean to lead the humble
I shall gladly kneel to leave my pride

Oh God You are my God
And I will ever praise You
Oh God You are my God
And I will ever praise You

I will seek You in the morning
I will learn to walk in Your ways
And step by step You'll lead me
And I will follow You all of my days

I went to church this evening for the first time since I can remember.  I haven't been getting out of work in time with all of the changes in my office and it felt great to be "home" tonight.  I was a little bummed  at first when the worship leader said he wanted to teach us a new song.  As it turns out, the lyrics were exactly what I needed to hear.  I'm ready to get back on track.  I'm not going to start my day by reading e-mails or facebook anymore.  I'm going to start my day with Him.  I wish I had some old-fashioned incense to light. 

By faith... I'm still learning.

xoxo

missing blogging

I miss the days when I had time to blog. I know it's just me and my time management.  I'm trying to find some balance in my life.  I'm enjoying my face to face friends and family but there is something sweet about the world of blogging. I miss the depth on here. 

Lord, help me intentionally look for You in the midst of every person and every situation I encounter today.

xoxo

My cousin Kim

God is capable of doing anything He wants.   I'm still Believing God for the impossible!

Please pray for my cousin, Kim Snow.  She feel off a horse five days ago.  She is unconscious.  She responds to light. They have turned off life support.  Pray for her family while they wait, that they feel His arms wrapped around them.  If He decides to take her home, I know that I know that I know exactly where she is going.
I'm so grateful and sad.



My sweet, sensitive brother, Dave has posted this song on fb twice.  He said he loves all of his sisters.  He posted it again yesterday for our cousin.  I Believe she's saying, "Don't worry about me"!

Love,
Angie xoxo

only a dental hygienist would post this

So... I have this friend who had some "elective" surgery.  It wasn't necessary, but to her it seemed the right thing to do at the time. She was a little vain in my opinion, but since the price was right and it was important to her,  I thought I should support her decision. Well, wouldn't you just know it. It became way more involved than she had expected. Actually she was (is) downright miserable while it took (takes) time for her to heal. She's hoping and praying it's going to feel better with a little more time and perhaps an adjustment tomorrow. At the moment she wishes she could go back to the way it was before the surgery. It really wasn't that bad, right? Who would have even noticed (unless she opened her mouth)? I mean, what ever happened to the old, "If it's not broke don't fix it" theory? Was it worth it? Please don't ask her today.

Lord, please give me compassion for those who make stupid decisions (like I did) and do things they wish they hadn't. I know you don't punish, but help me trust that you don't when it certainly feels like you do. Forgive me for not coming to You first.

With love from Your friend,
xoxo

no "mass"

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." (1 John 4:18)

I totally believe in the power of prayer. When I took my mom to her doctor's appointment he told us that Mom's kidney "mass" was there in 2006. (She must have forgotten!?) Back then her follow up CAT Scan revealed it was just her liver pressing on the right border of her kidney. Apparently there was a miscommunication between all of the doctors. She will have a CAT Scan again today to rule out the mass again. Her doctor is not the least bit concerned. You should have seen the relief on my mom's face!

Just Him

Lord, I believe...
You know my concerns and are capable of performing miracles. I haven't forgotten what You've done in the past. Help me make the right decision that will Glorify Your name. I promise to give You 100% of the credit. Amen.

"Your word is a lamp to my feet
and a light for my path." (Psalm 119:105)

Love,
Your daughter who really loves where You've planted her, but doesn't like the changes... :)

Hi, I'm Angie... and I'm weird.

I have to tell you something. Actually I could care less if anyone reads this. I just need to get a couple of things off my chest and since I don't know what else to do with these feelings, I'll just get them out of my head and on this paper.

Christians are flat out scaring me to death lately. I've seen a few of them acting so strangely that it's (almost) come to the point that I don't even want to be one or at least I don't want to admit that I might be one. I've been in some conversations where people were relating to me how others are so "religious," "judgmental," "closed-minded" and "weird". I'm never sure how to respond. I don't want to stick up for those Christians because they honestly aren't acting very Christ-like. I hear so many people talking the talk but not walking the walk. I'm seriously almost embarrassed to be one. It's confusing because it feels like I "should" stick up for them, but I can't. Instead I just say nothing... and smile.

Today I was thinking about a particular girl I met who was acting similarly to what I just explained. I don't want to sound mean, but she was just weird. She was talking about loving the Lord SO much and it was a bit much! And you should have seen how she was dressed! I know, that doesn't sound very Christ-like of me. But then I got to thinking... Didn't Christ stick out like a sore thumb? Wasn't He just a little "out there"? Were His followers weird? Did they seem "hokey"? Did they seem to look through people? When I think about Jesus I don't think He was anything like these people. I wish there were more "normal"(whatever that means),"cool" Christians.

Another thing that is bothering me is how people are getting desensitized about divorce and infidelity in marriage. I feel like I'm getting old. I liked the world better in the "good old days". Divorce and remarriage is rampant. Yes, I remember I am divorced and remarried, too! The problem I have is that no one is even shocked anymore when they hear a couple is getting divorced. The worst part is that I feel I'm not even shocked anymore. I don't like it! And I really don't want to sound like I'm being judgmental, but seriously?

I'm not sure what I expect or what I'm hoping for by writing this tonight. Was I just hoping that girl would have just written about her love for the Lord on a blog post instead of sharing it with anybody and everybody? Honestly, she freaked me out! A lot of Christians are freaking me out lately...

Lord, please teach me discernment!
Angie xoxo

kiss

When my sister-in-law got divorced (can't remember how long ago it was) I helped her move. When we came across this plaque she said I could have it. I took her up on the offer. Since then it's been a little joke with my husband and me. I hang it somewhere he can find it and he puts it somewhere I can find it. We've been going back and forth for quite awhile.

I cannot tell you how much this has affected me and more importantly... how difficult it is to do at times.

We have two weddings this weekend. If I could give them any advice I'd tell them to learn to forgive each other quickly, laugh together, be kind to each other and kiss each other goodnight. Oh, and to pray together!

"Greet one another with a holy kiss..." ~Romans 16:16



xoxo